


A Four Letter Word

by miseryroot



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Dancing, F/F, F/M, Human AU, mentioned rose/pearl, past lapis & pearl, skip if you like naughty details
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-02-14 05:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13001040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miseryroot/pseuds/miseryroot
Summary: Fresh out of college and the future looks exciting for Peridot. Renting a house with two of her good friends was going well, and her new ahem... friendship with a blue haired girl was going well too. In fact it was time to introduce them. Peridot just knew they'd get along.





	1. It's Just A Couple Drinks

Peridot wiggled in her seat a bit, giving Pearl directions to the bar. Lapis and Garnet were already there waiting. Peridot didn't want to be any later than they already were. She was a little anxious when she was getting ready. What if this was a bad idea? What if Lapis decided she didn't like Peridot's friends and by extension her as well? 

She'd been trying to convince herself that the possibility of that happening was unlikely since they planned to get together last week. Lapis and Pearl would have dancing in common, and Amethyst would appreciate Lapis' love of oddities and good humor. They had plenty to talk about. There was absolutely nothing that could possibly go wrong.

Plus her friends were dying to meet Lapis. They kept teasing her about her crush and prying for information. Peridot had finally broken down and scheduled the meet up on the condition that they would stop hounding her for information. No 'what does she do', 'what does she look like', or even 'what's her name?'.

Yeah so maybe it was a little extreme. But Peridot hated being pushed for personal information. She clams right up. She knew that they meant well and they weren't trying to be overbearing. And maybe they weren't even being overbearing. But it was just too much for the blond to handle. And besides they would know everything they want to know when they meet Lapis.

Peridot felt a vibration from her pocket.

'I got us the booth! And it's not rowdy tonight at all! Good idea on the mid-week meet up :)'

A text from Lapis. Peridot smiled as they pulled into the parking lot across the street and walked to the bar. It was a chilly fall and Peridot was adjusting her scarf as they walked and chatted.

"So have you met her friend before?" Pearl asked, matching her stride to the two shorter girls.

"Yeah, she's really nice too. A little intimidating at first, though. She seems really serious at initially." Peridot responded, shrugging.

"Jesus Peri, you are just the master of descriptions. I'm dying to meet these mystery ladies!" Amethyst huffing, speeding up to the bar.

"Wa- Wait!" Peridot cried, rushing after her friend.

\------------------------------------------

Lapis fussed with her hair as Garnet brought their drinks to the booth. She took a big gulp of her vodka cran and scrunched her face up immediately. She'd forgotten she'd got a double shot.

"So this is pretty serious, huh? You're meeting the friends. Getting to know the people she cares about. You must really like her." Garnet mused, "My friend, the newly smitten."

"It's not like that. We're just friends. I want to know how she is around her friends you know? How she treats and talks to the people closest to her. And how they treat her. They're all very telling things about a person. I'm just being... cautious is all." Lapis mumbled, pulling a compact mirror out of her purse and checking her makeup. She adjusted her clothes a bit and checked her phone as well before sending Peridot a quick text.

"Relax Lazuli. Peridot is not a threat. She has the Garnet seal of approval. She's nice and I'm sure her friends are nice too. So you can stop tensing up." 

Lapis groaned and took another swig of her drink. Then she heard the door creak open. Her heart raced and a smile broke out across her face as Peridot come through the door. Her head was so full of thoughts of how cute the blonde was in her outfit that she almost forgot that the girl had brought her friends. Almost.

Garnet chuckled looking at the joy on her friends face until it suddenly changed. For a split second she saw Lapis' face fall. But then it rose again into what could only be described as the smile an overworked receptionist gives everyone who walks into a fancy hotel. Her eyes looked dead. 

Garnet followed her line of sight to a tall peach haired girl who was staring at Lapis like she'd seen a ghost. The thin girl staggered behind Peridot as she walked to the table. Lapis downed her drink immediately.

"Thanks so much for getting us the booth Lapis! Good to see you again Garnet!" Peridot chirped, as she and her friends scooted into the booth. A waitress walked over to them and took everyone's orders promptly and set a basket of bar nuts on the table. The table descended into silence, the only exception being Amethyst scarfing down the table offering.

"Peridot your friends-" Lapis started but was quickly cut off.

"Oh my gosh! Yeah I'm so sorry I forgot to introduce everyone. This is Amethyst and Pearl. Pearl, Amethyst this is Lapis and Garnet." Peridot spat out, "Pearl is a dancer as well! Amethyst is a food critic."

"Yes actually I know Pearl we used to-" Lapis was cut off again.

"We used to be very good friends. In high school." Pearl interjected. Lapis narrowed her eyes at the tall girl.

"Oh wow! That's crazy! What a small world!" Peridot laughed. She wasn't seeming to notice the tension. Their drinks arrived and Lapis excused herself to the bathroom.

When she came back she bought everyone a shot and led the conversation. Lapis asked Amethyst all about herself and then got Garnet talking about herself. They chatted and finished another round of drinks. 

Lapis excused herself again, this time to smoke.

"I'll come with you!" Peridot mused, following the blue haired girl out of the bar.

Lapis lit up a cigarette and leaned against the light post.

"Are you excited about your next event?" Peridot asked, a big smile on her face as she sat on the bench outside of the bar.

Lapis' heart eased itself a bit and she smiled back.

"Yeah, I actually really am. I'm nervous, too. It'll be my first event in Las Vegas. I hope I can live up to everyone's high expectations." Lapis replied, returning the blonde's smile.

"I can't imagine you being nervous. I can help, you know. With the planning for the trip. I'm from Las Vegas." Peridot offered.

"That would be amazingly helpful. I'd really love that." Lapis accepted, taking a step closer to Peridot as the door opened.

"Love what?" Pearl muttered, lighting a cigarette of her own. Lapis scowled, stomping her's out.

"Oh nothing. I'm going to help Lapis get ready for her trip to Las Vegas. She has a big event going on there and it could be a really good opportunity for her out there." Peridot explained to her friend. Pearl nodded her head and looked at Lapis as she made her way to the door.

"That's great Lapis. Congratulations. You know, I'd love to drop by your studio. Maybe tomorrow around noon. How about coffee?" Pearl asked, staring Lapis dead in the eyes.

Lapis felt trapped. Probably because it was a trap. What could she say other than yes? Pearl was Peridot's friend. The blonde thinks that they were friends. It would be weird to say no and the truth was too much to explain tonight after this many drinks.

"Tomorrow at noon works for me."


	2. Beware The Ex

What was that feeling you get every time something doesn't seem quite right? Your mind just can't settle until it's finished and it makes it impossible for your body to get comfortable. Unease. Amethyst sighed, rolling around in her bed. They'd gotten back from the bar an hour ago but she just could not relax.

She really liked meeting Lapis and Garnet. They were really interesting people and Peridot was so happy that everyone got along. But did everyone really get along? Pearl was super weird all night with Lapis. And Lapis seemed to be avoiding Pearl's existence so well it was almost impressive. Then the few times they interacted Lapis was always short with Pearl.

Just meeting her it would be easy to think that maybe the blue haired girl was simply more reserved around new people. But that wasn't true because she got along famously with Lapis the whole night. Amethyst sat up, moving stuff around on her bed in an attempt to make it more comfortable. She tried to get into every possible comfortable sleeping position. Nothing.

Screw this.

She got up in a huff and stormed into the bathroom. She knew Pearl would still be in there doing her twenty step Korean skin care routine. And there was Pearl, rubbing moisturizer on her face and looking rather peeved.

"Amethyst what the heck?! Knock next time! That's so rude!" Pearl harped, turning around to face the shorter girl.

"What's going on with you and Lapis?" Amethyst ignored the lecture, getting to the core of the problem immediately.

"Wha.. I told you all at the bar. We were friends in highschool." Pearl muttered, turning around to finish moisturizing her face.

"Friends don't act that way around each other." Amethyst countered, "Friends are usually happy to see each other."

"We had a falling out. Friends can grow apart. Not like this is any of your business!" Pearl snapped, grabbing her hair brush an gripping it hard.

"It is my business because we're friends and I believe you're lying! You're keeping things from me and Peridot!" Amethyst snapped back. She was starting to get really frustrated.

"That's just stupid Amethyst! Look it's my past and it's my business! You are not entitled to know anything about a part of me that you never even knew! So just butt out!" Pearl was seething, slamming her brush down on the counter. She got up and grabbed the door to close it in Amethyst's face when she saw a familiar figure walking up next to Amethyst.

Peridot was yawning and rubbing her eyes. She was squinting at them, not able to see the situation well without her glasses or contacts.

"What's all the screaming about?" Peridot murmured, scratching at her head.

"Nothing Peridot, go back to bed. We were just arguing because Amethyst thinks my skin care routine is ridiculous." Pearl responded, trying to relax.

"A larger skin care routine isn't proven to be more effective.. We could do a control test if it's that big a deal to you two. I really don't think it's worth the energy it takes to yell about it in the middle of the night though." Peridot mumbled, and walked back to her room to go back to bed.

Pearl swiftly closed the door on Amethyst and the shorter girl let out a small scream in frustration.

"I know you're hiding something!"

 

\-----------------------------------------

 

Lapis sighed, straightening up the costumes from her younger classes. She didn't usually sit in and help teach the little kids but today she really needed to see them be cute and excited. This dress rehearsal could not have been set for a more perfect day. She felt like she was walking on the edge on a pool full of sharks.

She knew it was stupid to be so worried about seeing Pearl, but that didn't stop the anxiety from building. The last time she saw the taller woman before last night was one of the worst days of her life. Even though her feelings for her ex were long put to rest she could still feel the sting of betrayal when she looked at Pearl's face.

She finished putting the costumes away and let the other instructors and their secretary know she was going out for lunch. She pulled on her coat and changed her shoes from her slippers to a sturdy pair of boots.

When she got outside Pearl was already waiting for her.

"Wow, this is definitely not what I was imaging your studio would look like." Pearl stated, "It's big. I thought it would be more-"

"Poor looking?" Lapis interjected, rolling her eyes.

"I was going to say personable." Pearl mumbled.

"It must be surprising to see me so successful after you left me when I hit rock bottom." Lapis muttered, and began walking in the direction of her favorite coffee shop. Pearl sighed and quickly followed.

They got inside and ordered. Coffee and a sandwich for Lapis, tea for Pearl. They got their orders and Lapis led them to a table in the back.

"You look amazing Lapis. I'm happy everything is going so well for you." Pearl mused, giving the blue haired girl a small smile.

"So do you. But I guess you were always good at that." Lapis uwrapped her sandwich from the parchment paper and cut it into four pieces with her plastic silverware, "I bet it makes you feel better that I'm doing well now."

"It actually really does."

Lapis' head shot up at that comment and she looked Pearl right in the eyes, "How uncharacteristically honest of you."

"Being around you it feels good to be honest. You're the person I learned that from." Pearl responded, taking a sip of her drink.

Lapis almost smiled. Instead she scoffed, "Too bad it didn't stick. Speaking of, how's Rose?"

Pearl's face scrunched up painfully. Lapis almost felt bad for her.

"She and Greg moved to California. They have a little boy together. He's three." Pearl sighed, "Just go ahead and say what you're going to say. Rip the band-aid off."

"I believe I told you almost everything the night I left town. So they kicked you out of the relationship?" Lapis asked, deciding to take a bit of her sandwich. She figured it would take a moment for the reply.

"No. I just wasn't ready to be around a baby and nothing felt the same after he was born. I still visit sometimes and it's sort of uncomfortable. Rose and I just couldn't work. I wanted to be with her exclusively and sharing her was stressful." Pearl recounted, "I think most of the appeal in the relationship at all was just being young and getting swept up in her situation."

"Well not knowing what you wanted definitely didn't help you. Think things through instead of bouncing from bed to bed might have been better. Or maybe being honest." Lapis muttered, taking a sip of her coffee followed by a long sigh, "And your solution was just laughable."

"I know, I was dumb. You were right to make me choose. I'm just sorry that I chose wrong. I messed everything up."

Lapis almost choked on her sandwich, "What the hell are you saying?"

"I'm just saying I made a mistake back then. I wish things had gone differently." Pearl buried her face in her hands.

"You know, I wished that for a while too. But you taught me a big lesson. Things just aren't always what they seem. Behind that beautiful face of your's is a person that would crush anyone to get what they want." Lapis said simply and stood up to leave, "Thanks for the weird lunch. You can tell Peridot the truth or I will. You have tomorrow to do that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all like it. Comments and critiques welcome.


	3. Two Different Beaches

"I could not believe it! It was insane! And so uncomfortable! The things she said! The nerve she has! She complimented me! What right does she have to say anything about me?! Maybe she's lost all her tact... Maybe she's trying to convince me to let my guard down! She's sneaky like that..." Lapis trailed off, pacing back and forth in front of the kitchen in her friend's apartment.

"Lapis, I love a good paranoid rant as much as any other entity but maybe you need to take a step back from this line of thinking." Garnet said, pouring two cups of tea.

"She's just so.. so... so!! I don't know. I don't know. I just feel so weird after that lunch and she said the craziest thing Garnet.." the blue haired girl lamented, crumpling up on the counter.

"Which was what exactly? You've just been going on and on around what happened but you haven't actually described anything. Gather your thoughts." Garnet mused, setting a cup of tea next to her distraught pal. 

Lapis sighed, then nodded her head. She took a sip of the tea and closed her eyes. When she first left the coffee shop she had felt weird, but it was okay. She went to work and she was okay. Then she went home and all of a sudden it wasn't okay anymore. Everything just felt wrong and bad. All she could think about was that stupid conversation. It rang in her ears and made her throat feel tight.

"She said a lot of stuff. But right before I left she said that she chose wrong. I just.. That's just so unfair. It's uncalled for and so imposing! It's offensive. I don't want to hear that from her. She has no right to say something like that. Why does she do this to me? It's like she's trying to break me." Lapis muttered, staring into the vortex that the tea created as she stirred it.

"That is quite the statement. Rather bold. Perhaps in poor taste, but maybe she didn't mean it that way." Garnet acknowledged, "So how has all of what she said affected you?"

"Badly. I don't think that there was a single good thing about that whole conversation. She commented on my success, we talked about the break up, talked about what happened with her and Rose. And I don't think I walked away feeling good about a single thing. I feel strange and somehow dissected even though I barely said anything. She could have just punched me in the solar plexus I think it would have the same effect." Lapis bemoaned.

"There really wasn't a single good thing about it?" Garnet inquired, preheating her oven and pulling a lasagna out of the fridge. She'd made it earlier in the day.

"There was maybe a single second when she said that it felt good being honest around me. Apparently I taught her how to be honest. Or at least that's what she said. And I almost smiled." Lapis muttered, gripping onto her arms tightly, "But thinking about that makes me feel kind of bad too. I don't know. I don't really want to talk about this anymore."

"Okay. It's okay, Lapis. If you were happy it's alright. It sounds like a nice gesture." Garnet commented, "Would you like to stay for dinner? Amethyst is coming over. I told her I could make an excellent lasagna."

"Thanks but I think I just need to go. All this rooting around in my feelings is making me feel like a walk and a cigarette." 

Garnet saw her friend out after she gathered all of her things. The taller woman felt frustrated. They were so close to getting to the core of how Lapis felt and of course the blue haired girl decided to flee. She reminded herself it wasn't her job to play therapist and got back to setting up for dinner with Amethyst.

\---------------------------------

 

_They were laughing as they ran down the beach. They had drank a few beers and were fully clothed and slipping in the sand and surf. The buzz and the warm night were going so well together and this vacation with everyone had been everything Lapis needed. She smiled and chased after her girlfriend, screaming when Pearl started to chase her back._

_The taller girl tackled her; so naturally Lapis started shrieking and rolling. They rolled around the beach out they were laughing so hard they couldn't move. Pearl grabbed her arms and sat on Lapis' hips to stop the rolling. Then the taller girl stopped laughing. Suddenly she was staring into Lapis' eyes very seriously._

_"Wha-What? What's wrong?" Lapis frowned, brows lowering in confusion._

_"I love this. I love you. There's not a single thing wrong." Pearl mused, and got off her girlfriend. She stood up and helped a blushing blue haired girl up as well._

_"Let's go warm you up, Lapis. We can't have your scrawny self freezing to death out here." Pearl teased._

_Lapis gasped and tore her hand out of Pearl's grasp._

_"I'm scrawny?! Who do you think's talking?! You really better run now!!" she screamed._

_The chasing and laughter began again._

"She's just a liar. Just forget about what she said." Lapis whispered to herself. She was sitting on top of a rock on the beach. The cold east coast beach with clusters of rocks and not at all like the west coast that summer.

She was chain smoking cigarettes and drinking a 40 oz beer out of a paper bag. So maybe she wasn't doing the best. Maybe this was really getting to her. She chugged some of her beer and glared at the ocean, muttering at herself under her breath. About how she was stupid and it was a trick. Once a traitor always a traitor. She could never trust that woman again.

"Lapis!"

The blue haired girl practically jumped out of her skin. She fell off her rock and dropped her beer. She sat up quickly and looked at the offender.

Peridot. Oh shit! **Peridot.**

"Oh it is you Lapis! Are you okay? Were you.. drinking a forty?" Peridot inquired, rushing closer to her crush across the sand.

"I- uh-uhm I.. You know.. Y-Yeah." Lapis stammered, covering her eyes with her hands, "This is so embarrassing. I'm just having a terrible day. Please be a figment of my imagination and tell me you're not actually here seeing me make myself look like an idiot."

"No can do. Sorry to say that I'm just going to have to live with this image of you in my head." Peridot retorted, grinning, "But hey it's there with all the normal ones and I think you still look pretty good."

Lapis groaned and stood up, "This is so embarrassing! Why did you have to run into me today of all days?"

"It must be fate. I think it's being pretty kind to me. Here, I'll get us a couple of beers. But could we drink them inside maybe? Because I'm pretty sure it's illegal to drink them out here and it's sort of freezing." Peridot mused.

Lapis nodded her head, face flush with embarrassment. Peridot just giggled and then she wasn't flush with embarrassment anymore. Now it was infatuation. 

They walked up to stairs to a bar on the pier. They had drinks and laughed. When they were done they walked along the pier looking at the beach. Peridot didn't ask her what was wrong. The shorter girl just made jokes until she started to laugh. The hurt Lapis felt just started to unravel a bit and before she knew it she was having a great time.

"I don't see what's so great about sitting up on a rock getting blitzed." Peridot stated. Lapis laughed and told her to wait there. She came with two tall cans in paper bags.

They went over to a rock and Lapis helped Peridot up. They sat there shoulder to shoulder throwing smaller rocks into the ocean and drinking.

"You know what, you were right. This is pretty great." Peridot admitted.

"I told you. Let's not forget I've got three years of knowledge on you." Lapis heckled, throwing an fist sized rock into the ocean.

"You are smart." Peridot acknowledged, "It's one of the reason I like you."

"I like that you're smart too." Lapis shared, smiling at the blonde.

"You know I also really, really like you. You know like... In that way. The romantic one." Peridot confessed.

Lapis blinked and for a second she was pretty sure she could feel the world turning. Maybe it was the beers. Peridot was starting to get nervous with the lack of response.

"Oh man.. I'm sorry Lapis you're having a bad day and I'm just making you feel weird aren't I? I'm the worst." Peridot sighed, "I shouldn't-"

"No!" the blue haired girl interjected loudly, standing up quickly and almost falling over.

"What? Oh gosh Lapis be careful!" 

"No! No no no! This is- UGH! I'm the one whose to worst. I'm the worst ever." Lapis bemoaned, "I am seriously letting you apologize for telling me you like me while I just stand here like a stunned idiot!"

"No you're not the worst I think I really am the one at fault here." Peridot mumbled.

"No! Stop that please! Because.. Because you shouldn't apologize. Because I should just act like an adult. Because I like you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went through a bunch of songs trying to find a good one to write this chapter including Walk Like An Egyptian by The Bangles. I recommend it when you feel a little down because sometimes you just have to jam out to good, silly music. By the way don't screw around drunk in the surf. That's dangerous.


	4. Direct Eye Contact

Peridot got home late last night. She and Lapis were out at the beach really late before they split a cab home. Last night was.. something, that's for sure. She wasn't quite sure what she'd gotten herself into exactly. When she saw Lapis on the beach she wasn't even sure if it was the blue haired girl.

Well, she sort of deduced that it was, but that sight was just so not Lapis. Or, at least, not a Lapis she had seen before. Sitting on a rock drinking a forty was weird. Seeing her fall was even weirder. Was it possible that her ever so steady crush could be a little clumsy at times just like everyone else?

When Peridot saw Lapis she tended to see someone that was perfect and just had it all together. The taller girl was successful, talented, and seemed so in control. Maybe she just didn't know her at that well. It wouldn't be that surprising. They'd only met six months ago and were both very busy individuals at the time. They'd been getting closer but all progress was slow. 

Lapis didn't really tend to give out a lot of personal information or heavy handed opinions on anything. Her crush stood more on the reserved side. There were times when she would light up, and while she always stood out it wasn't because she put herself out there. It was simply that her presence itself was heavy. She was easy to get swept up in.

Peridot had watched guys and girls alike bend over backwards to try to get Lapis' approval or acknowledgement, though the blue haired girl always seemed to be exhausted by these strangers' mental gymnastics. 

They had met on accident. The blonde was stressed out about school and had gone to a bar. That alone was weird enough but she had gone by herself as well. She was definitely out of her element. She only knew a few sickeningly sweet drinks by name, and so she had ordered a few of them. Her third of which was sort of overfilled. 

She proceeded to spill it all over the person that had just started to sit next to her. She remembered looking up and seeing Lapis' eyes staring into her's. That dark blue was boring holes into her and it was so shocking she forgot what she was going to say.

And then Lapis started laughing and she remembered.

"Oh crap! I'm so so so so so sorry!" Peridot lamented, grabbing a fist full of napkins and started trying to wipe off the strangers lap.

"It's okay. They're pants they can dry. And I can do that." Lapis mused. The blonde blushed and apologized more, removing her hands from this strangers legs.

Lapis wasn't mad. Well, she was when she got there. Apparently she had also went to the bar because she was stressed out from work. But she wasn't mad anymore. It was the cherry on top of a bad day and all she could do was laugh. The incident was just so cliche and typical. 

They sat at that bar and talked all night until the place closed. Lapis gave Peridot her number and they parted ways.

The blonde had never met someone like her. She didn't have a lot of friends and as far as romances went she'd only had one terribly immature relationship. She could not believe the things that Lapis did and said. They were totally outlandish to her, but she liked it.

She liked everything about Lapis, and before she knew it she really liked liking Lapis. Everything just felt so right with her. Like even when it wasn't the best it was always better then being without her. And last night in her happy state of mind she had confessed to her blue haired crush.

Then Lapis said the impossible. She liked Peridot as well. It was absolutely insane; mad even! Peridot just knew she was going to be carted off to the loony bin any second now. 

Last night she was all smiles and basking in happiness, but today she was filled with anxiety. It just couldn't be real. It was too good. She'd been nervously going around and sitting in different seats in her house, finding it impossible to get comfortable. Then it was time to go to her lesson.

You see, she'd been struck by Lapis. Then she'd been struck again by seeing Lapis dance. She couldn't help but want to dance with her, but she wasn't very skilled. So she'd started taking lesson in ballroom dancing in secret because it was horrifically embarrassing. The eventual plan was that one day she would take Lapis up on one of her several offers to go dancing.

Halloween was at the end of the month and Lapis had told her a few months back there was going to be a big dance that her business friends were throwing. The taller girl seemed right excited to go and Peridot decided to go with her. She was finally going to get her chance and it was going to be perfect. Maybe a masquerade would be less embarrassing than having Lapis see her whole face.

\--------------------------------

Pearl sighed as she watched Peridot leave. The truth was always a sticky subject with Lapis. Eight years ago she wouldn't have thought the same thing. Back then being honest was exhilarating and freeing. Now it just felt heavy; just like the girl in question. Emotions were a weight with Lapis. Unforgiving and all inclusive.

It was stressful. Her life had always been about hiding. Model student, model dancer, and model daughter. You can't be those things without hiding. You could be a good, a favorite, but never a model. Not quite. Only Pearl who wanted to be seen that way more than being liked or cared for could be that.

She always got used to things when she was young. A repetition, a rhythm. Have you ever heard a mother talk badly about her child? Maybe a father? Never again for Pearl. She kept things clean and in place. She treated her dolls right. She did ballet and winter guard. She fenced and was an A student always.

Being tidy and balanced was great for her mother. What a model daughter! Being strong and athletic and involved with guns while not actually shooting them was great for her father. What a smart girl!

It was difficult and stressful. She was happy winter guard was only part of the year. Twirling a baton was too close to cheer leading for her father. To him that was for poor girls with pretty faces and no future. It wasn't intellectual enough. Twirling a gun apparently was even if he had to pay for the lessons before she got into high school.

Student counsel was good, too! Even if it was just a small part of it. Pearl immediately signed up for the welcoming committee. It didn't demand any after school demands and let her parents say 'Oh she's just so kind; she's there for everyone!'. 

All of those things paired with the occasion volunteer work meant she was golden and the weekend was her's. See, it wasn't enough. After finally getting her parent's approval she wanted most of everyone else's as well. And that wasn't that difficult to get in her small town. She just had to be ready for anything on the weekend.

So when she was assigned to Lapis Lazuli a month before school ended it was a bit jarring to her. Their first meeting was... not as planned.

_"LOOK Pearl, there another one for you."_

_"At the end of the semester? Noooo!" Pearl whisper hissed to her friend, "Whatever, they'll latch on all of this year and then I'll be free."_

_The girl walked up to her teacher and the new student to hear a frustrated discussion of their own._

_"I don't need this. It's ridiculous." the new girl muttered._

_"Ms, Lazuli it's not up for discussion. It's counselling every free period." Pearl's teacher snapped._

_"Hi! I'm here to help you settle in! I'll take you to all of your classes so please give me the copy of your student form so I can guide you to everything!" Pearl chirped as she planted a big fat smile on her face._

_"Oh Pearl! Excellent, this is Lapis Lazuli. Please get along well. Sit next to each other." their teacher smiled. Pearl led Lapis to their seats and turned to face her. It seemed that the shorter girl was not interested in eye contact._

_"Okay! Well it's nice to meet you! Don't hesitate to ask me for anything. We can hang out and talk whenever yo-"_

_"Stop." Lapis muttered, letting out an irritated sigh, "This is so stupid. We are not friends and we're not going to be friends. Just cut the act it's annoying. This persona thing you've got going on must be exhausting so please spare me."_

_Pearl was shell shocked. What the hell just happened? Should she be offended? She felt it was an insult in a way but it was also the truth. The real question was how did she know? Everyone else fell in line with her and even admired her for all her efforts. The same efforts that seemed to piss this new girl off._

_Right when she was about to say something class started. Pearl couldn't focus though. Her head was swimming. What mistake had she made to make this stranger think she was being disingenuous? It was so crushing she almost felt the need to slouch. She looked over at Lapis, who was sitting there staring at her open notebook._

_She wasn't writing down anything about science, though. This new girl was just sitting there making several strange marks and notches on the back of a piece of paper. It was weird, though there didn't seem to be anything that wasn't strange about her. Pearl looked to the front of the classroom, trying to focus on class._

_"Pearl, I need you to show me where the rest of the classes are." Lapis said when class ended, passing the taller girl her student schedule._

_"These... are almost all the same classes as me. You take AP courses?" Pearl asked, looking absolutely bewildered. How could someone who didn't even take notes be in advanced classes?_

_"That's what your school's aptitude test determined. Is there a problem?" Lapis mumbled, fussing with the hole in her sweater on her elbow._

_"N-No!" Pearl stammered, "Let's just go to all the classes together, I guess. I can show you where the counselling center is later."_

_They rushed off to class. Well, Pearl rushed off. She felt uncomfortable being in an awkward stalemate with Lapis. She felt like she couldn't say anything to the new girl that would be right._

_They went from class to class barely talking at all until lunch. When the bell rang Lapis stood up and quickly walked away and out of the school. Pearl chased after her quickly._

_"H-Hey! Wait!" Pearl called out, catching up to Lapis, "I have to spend the first lunch with you. If you want to have it outside that's fine but you can't ditch me today."_

_Lapis balled up her fists, nodding her head roughly as she continued to walk away. Pearl followed her into a bushy area, and right when she was about to ask why they were there the strange girl lit a cigarette._

_"Oh." Pearl stated quietly._

_"What? Is there a problem?" Lapis snapped, frustration clear on her face._

_"N-No. Can I have one?" Pearl asked. She felt very on edge watching someone smoke in front of her without having one as well._

_Lapis rolled her eyes and handed the other girl her pack and lighter._

_"Thank- what is that?" Pearl asked, grabbing Lapis' wrist. Those weird marks were there across the new girl's wrist._

_Lapis took in a sharp inhale and swiftly slapped Pearl's hand away, "I don't fucking know you! Don't touch me!"_

_"I-I'm sorry!" Pearl stuttered, quickly grabbing the cigarettes and lighting one so she could give Lapis her stuff back._

_"Man what the hell is wrong with you? You keep staring at me too." Lapis muttered, finishing her cigarette only to light up another one._

_Pearl blushed, looking away from the shorter girl, "I've just never met anyone like you. Y-you're really forward. It's abrasive but it's honest. You saw right through me."_

_"It wasn't hard: you're too nice. Dialing it back a little would make it more convincing." Lapis responded, "Plus I've played that game before. Just looking at you stresses me out. I hate remembering that feeling of pressure."_

_"I-it's not that bad." Pearl murmured._

_"That's what I told myself too. But it was exactly that bad and then some." Lapis retorted, looking up at Pearl for the first time all day._

_The direct eye contact was abrupt to say the least. Those dark blue eyes felt piercing._

_"Why did you transfer here?" Pearl asked._

_Lapis sighed and took a puff off her cigarette, "Do you really want to know?"_

_"I think I do." Pearl admitted._

_"My parents kicked me out. I came here because my uncle is my new parental guardian."_

_"Why did your parents kick you out?" the taller girl inquired, digging deeper._

_"Because I couldn't be what they needed me to be. It got too difficult to keep up with the requirements of being a good daughter. The older you without getting a boyfriend the weirder it seems. And then when you're caught with a girl that really tends to mess things up." Lapis explained._

_Pearl was stunned silent. What could she even say to this? It was just so heavy and difficult to process. And then the bell rang._

_Lapis scoffed and rolled her eyes, "Look, don't say anything. It's fine. Let's just go to class."_

_"O-Okay." Pearl agreed, leading Lapis back to the school._

 

Every since Pearl met Lapis she'd always been straightforward to an aggravating point at times. She supposed she should be glad that Lapis was giving her the chance to tell Peridot the truth instead of just telling the blonde herself. She'd never told anyone about that part of her life though. It didn't exactly paint her in a favorable light. 

She didn't really like to drudge through the past anyways, but now that Lapis was back in her life she was all of a sudden waist deep. Even though her ex had changed she was also very like her past self. Seeing Lapis and talking to her again seemed to bring something out a childish impulsiveness in Pearl.

Her stomach turned thinking about all the things she told Lapis in the coffee shop. She was trying so hard to be open about everything and everything she said was met with a shutdown. She supposed she shouldn't have expected any differently.

Maybe it was just that every time she saw Lapis a tiny part of her compared how things were now to how they were then. She gets carried away to that far off place in her mind where the memories of Lapis lived. Every smile and bond that they shared. 

Seeing Lapis now sort of soured that; especially when she was with Peridot. All of those happy memories being pushed out by today's harsh reality. She never really dealt with their break up since she had jumped into another relationship. It had always nagged at her a bit.

Pearl sighed, pushing all of this out of her mind to start the rest of her day off until she ran into Peridot later that day.

\---------------------------------

Peridot closed the front door behind her, locking it and taking her groceries to the kitchen.

"I need to talk to you."

The blonde whipped around quickly, grabbing her chest.

"Holy crap Pearl! You scared the hell out of me." Peridot gasped out, chuckling a bit.

"Sorry about that. I just need to talk to you about Lapis. Remember how I said we were friends?" Pearl asked, sitting down at their small kitchen table.

"Yeah. In high school, right?"

"Right. Well that wasn't necessarily the truth. When I went to see Lapis the other day she told me I had to tell you or she would. But I didn't want her to have to because I knew that would be difficult for her." Pearl said, letting out a long sigh, "Lapis and I become really close friends the summer before our junior year. We spent practically all of our time together, so when we were eighteen we moved into an apartment together. I'd met a someone and got into a relationship with her. Her name was Rose and she needed to move out of her apartment. My lease with Lapis was about to be up so I told her I was going to move in with Rose, but her uncle had just died. It was a really emotional time for her and she wanted me to stay but I couldn't. We argued and I said some really terrible stuff to her and after that we just never saw each other again."

"Oh.. Wow that's horrible." Peridot frowned, sitting next to her friend.

"Yeah, it was. I still feel really bad about not being there for her. Lapis wanted me to tell you because she's still pretty upset with me about the whole thing and it's pretty awkward between us." Pearl disclosed, "I was a really stupid kid."

"Hey we all make bad decisions when we're young. Thanks for telling me about it. I know you never really talk about your past." Peridot sympathized, "Who knows, maybe you two can work it out. That might just be selfish thinking on my part though. I really like Lapis and last night she told me she liked me too. You're one of my best friends so I really hope you guys can get along again!"

Pearl was silent for a moment, but then she smiled.

"Maybe. Who knows."


	5. Maybe She's Changed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thanks to everyone who left kudos and comments! I appreciate all the support. Sorry to take so long!

"Pearl? What a surprise. Did you want to plan a visit?"

"N-No, Rose.. I.. I just need to talk. I can't talk to anyone else about this. Everything is such a mess." Pearl murmured, clutching onto the phone in her hand desperately, "I have a really big problem. You remember Lapis?"

"Oh yes. How could one forget such a strong willed lady?" Rose mused, folding a bunch of tiny red shirts on the other end of the line, "What appears to be the problem?"

"I.. Peridot and Lapis.. Oh Rose I can't do this.." Pearl rasped, choking back a sob, "I know it's not right. I know that **I** have no right. But I can't just watch this happen. She used to be mine. In my mind I think I believed she always sort of was... I don't want to let her go. Having to think about them being together kills me."

"Pearl... I'm sorry that you're hurting. But you and Lapis parted ways years ago. She has a whole life of her own. And you two didn't exactly end things amicably." 

"I know! I know all of that! But.. what if it could be different?! What if I could love her the way she wanted me to? Maybe even more! Maybe we could be better... We could work out the mistakes and move past them. We were really good once. I'm older now and smarter! I know I could do better!" Pearl cried, "I-I just.."

"Pearl why don't know come to visit? It sounds like the situation might be a bit to difficult to be right in the middle of. We're going to be back at your's and Greg's hometown. You should think about joining us, maybe even visiting your family. It might help." Rose offered. Her concerned voice rang out over the line and Pearl sighed.

Maybe she was right. Pearl promised she'd check in with work about using her vacation days and they ended the call after mulling over a few details.

Pearl looked around her room blankly. Her eyes felt irritated from crying, and she felt a little dehydrated. She took a sip of water from the glass on her bedside table before deciding to leave the comfort of her blankets. She sat on the floor and reached under her bed, pulling out a small jewelry box. She pulled out one of the two necklaces inside.

It had a thin chain, and there was only one small jewel on it. A tiny lapis lazuli in the shape of a tear drop. Pearl's mind swam with all the memories of this piece of jewelry. The day she gave it to Lapis, her ex-  
girlfriend refusing to take it off except for in the shower, the time Lapis clutching onto it on the amusement park roller coaster insisting that it could somehow come off, and helping her put it on for the first time.

But no memory stuck out more than when Lapis ripped it right off her neck and threw it at Pearl's face.

_"Two months?! You've been seeing her behind my back for two months?!" Lapis shrieked, chest expanding and contracting in great succession. Could someone have a fit of rage and a panic attack at the same time? Pearl supposed so, looking at the shaky form of her girlfriend._

_"Lapis.. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I should have! I just didn't think.. I just.. I didn't know what to do."_

_"What the hell do you mean you didn't know what to do?! You shouldn't have been sleeping with someone else! We're together!" Lapis cried, backing up into the wall in an attempt to stabilize herself, "Oh god.. Oh my god you've been sleeping with her and then coming back here and sleeping with me... Wh- What is wrong with you.. I-I can't... I ca-can't.."_

_She felt her legs give way under her and her back slide down the wall. She was gasping for a good breath of air. She couldn't feel her face or her hands and her vision was starting to blur. Pearl rushed forward and grabbed Lapis' shoulders. She tried to get the panicked girl to breath deep breaths in time with her, and it worked._

_But as soon as Lapis seemed to regain a grasp on what was going on she pushed Pearl away. She rushed to their room and grabbed the biggest bag she could find. She started stuffing her things into it quickly and did the same to their bathroom. Pearl was following her around, trying to tell her not to go and to just let her explain the situation better._

_"It could be good. And it could open up relationships for you too!"_

_Lapis stopped and faced her after that comment. She clenched onto the phone charger she was holding, bending one of the pins before stuffing it in the bag as well. It was the last item she needed to collect._

_"Pearl, I just wanted a relationship with _you_. I'm going to my aunt's. Send me an email about what you want to do with the apartment." Lapis muttered, headed towards the door._

_"Lapis stop! Please.. I didn't mean to mess everything up so badly! I love you!" Pearl flinched as she saw tears start to roll down her girlfriend's face after the last three words._

_"Choose."_

_"Wh-What?"_

_"Choose! Choose me and our life together! Or choose her and whatever is accosoated with that!" Lapis snapped, tears pouring down as she desperately tried to wipe them away._

_"I-I..." Pearl fell silent. She stared at her girlfriend's sad, eyeliner smudged face. And she said nothing._

_Lapis closed her eyes, and plucked the necklace off her neck. She hands shook and her thoughts were a whirlwind of disbelief and rage._

_"Forget it! You're just a miserable fucking liar! You don't love anyone at all!"_

_With that she chucked the necklace at Pearl's face, ending their relationship and leaving Pearl in an apartment that had never felt so empty before._

Pearl set the broken necklace back in the box carefully. She picked up the other necklace and put it on. A necklace that was almost identical to the other, but with a pearl instead.

"I can be better."

\--------------------------------

Peridot took a deep breath, standing in front of Lapis' door. She rang the door bell and shuffled her feet nervously. She had never been to Lapis' apartment before. The blue haired woman had asked her to come over to help her plan her trip to Las Vegas. They hadn't seen each other since the night on the beach and in their texts they never really mentioned it other than Lapis saying that it was quote on quote "One hell of a night".

Yeah, the blonde wasn't really sure how to feel about that. As she heard the door opening she tried to not look so nervous.

"Peridot! Thanks for coming by. I'm making dinner, by the way. I hope you like quiche." Lapis mused, inviting the shorter girl into her home with a big smile.

"It's no trouble and I have the free time. Quiche sounds great." Peridot replied, following Lapis as she led her into the kitchen. She looked around as her host made them some tea.

Lapis' apartment was pretty orderly. Everything looked like it was placed exactly where it belonged except some laundry that was on the floor in her living room, and even that was folded. It smelled like lemons and limes, as well as the faint smell of the quiche in the oven. One thing that was really noticeable though was that all Lapis' household items seemed to have sea creatures on them. There was a napkin holder on her counter shaped like an octopus, her oven mitts were shaped and looked like starfish, and her tea pot was shaped and painted to look like a lobster.

Peridot smiled, spying a big sea turtle stuffed animal on the couch. She had no idea her crush was so.. adorable. This was way too cute. She would have never thought that Lapis Lazuli, profession business woman, would have sea critters all over her house.

"So.. You're really into marine life, huh?"

Lapis laughed, pouring their tea and giving Peridot her cup, "You could say that. I love the ocean a lot and it happens to have my favorite animals in it."

The two girls went to sit in her living room, setting their tea on the coffee table to cool a bit. Peridot grinned at the glass, dolphin shaped table.

"So, I've really been needing to talk to you about something and I sort of thought it would be best to get it out of the way right now. Pearl and I were-"

"It's okay, Lapis. I know. She told me. About your uncle and Rose. It must have been terrible. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Peridot interjected, "I know what she did was awful, but I really think she really regrets it. I don't know the Pearl from back then, but the Pearl I know is a good person. I just want you to know that. Maybe you two could even be friends again."

Lapis was taken aback by this. Pearl told Peridot the truth? And literally all of it? Even the part of about her uncle. Lapis almost felt bad for assuming that Pearl would never be honest about a situation that made her look so bad. Maybe Peridot was right and the Pearl she knew was different. People could change.

"I don't know. Being friends after everything might be weird and uncomfortable, to be honest. But you never know. I am pretty impressed though. I didn't think she would tell you, but I was wrong. I guess I shouldn't have assumed she was the same. Maybe I could stand to be a little nicer to her." the taller woman mumbled, sighing. This subject was bothering her honestly, and she decided to change it.

"Sorry about the mess, by the way. I left my clothes out because I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what to bring that will be good enough for the weather there." Lapis explained, looking a little embarrassed.

"Are you kidding me? They're even folded! You should see Amethyst's room or even my room!" Peridot mused. Lapis went and got her luggage bag and they got to packing everything up together. Peridot brought up a few things she hadn't really thought of about the desert's climate. The were having a good time, and sitting very close.

"Thanks for helping, again. This is so much better than trying to figure all of this out alone." Lapis said, zipping her bag shut.

"No problem. I wouldn't just __desert_ _ you." Peridot snickered, looking quite happy with her terrible pun. And to her delight Lapis laughed, snorting a bit. The blue haired girl blushed at the sound and touched her nose. And then they both cracked up even more.

They caught their breath, but began to notice _exactly_ how close they were to each other. It was Peridot's turn to blush as Lapis leaned in close to her. Their lips were centimeters away when an alarm went off.

The quiche. Lapis looked away, and quickly got up to take the dish out of the oven. They made awkward small talk and ate their dinner in relative silence before Lapis couldn't stand it anymore.

"I'm sorry about what just happened.. I probably shouldn't have." she sighed, fussing with her hair a bit, "I just.. To be honest I just really, really wanted to. I'm sorry."

She turned her head to actually look at Peridot, totally shell shocked when she felt their mouths connect in an instant. It took her a second to process what had happened before she kissed the blonde back.

When Peridot pulled away there was fire in her eyes.

"I really, really like you Lapis. I don't want you apologize. I don't want you to, because this is what I want with you." Peridot boldly declared.

Lapis smiled, and nodded her head, "Okay. I won't."

Lapis leaned into the blonde on her couch and they continue to eat their dinner in peace. They chatted about Las Vegas while Lapis did the dishes. When Peridot went to leave Lapis thanked her again for all her help and gave her a small parting kiss, after which Peridot noticed something. There was a carry on bag with clothes and toiletries in it in the hallway.

"Is that for the trip, too?" the blonde asked.

"Oh, no. I'm going to go see my aunt and cousins before I go to Las Vegas." Lapis replied, sighing a bit, "I don't go to see them a lot. So many things happened in that town that I'd just like to forget about."

"Maybe this time will be nice. And uh.. you could always text me if you want! An-And.. Would you maybe.. If you have time could you..." Peridot cleared her throat, palms sweating slightly, "Would you like to go on a date with me Lapis?"

The blue haired woman smiled, leaning down to kiss the blonde on the cheek.

"I would like that."


	6. The Sky Is Falling

"How was your flight?"

Lapis shrugged, holding her bag close to her as they drove away from the airport.

"It was fine. No delays. Where's Sapphire?" 

"She and Pad are at home getting the house ready. They want to make sure you're comfortable. They're really excited to see you."

"I'm excited to see them too. It's been a long time." Lapis sighed. They were the only reason she ever went back. She always sort of hoped her aunt would move back to France with her cousins so she would never have to step foot there ever again.

This town was her home. It wasn't her first home but she could never really call that place a home anyways. A home is made by the people there.

Her mother and father still lived in her first house, now with her brother. He was around ten now and probably didn't know about her at all. In her first house her mother was likely making some complicated dish for her father to come home to and inform her of every way it was terrible.

She hoped for her brother's sake the people that had brought her into the world had changed for him, but she always knew in order for her parents to change enough to make a living being happy and healthy they would have to be replaced by puppets.

Lapis had never realized that the concept of home was possible until her uncle and his family took her in. In her house her father beat her mother and they both beat her. Then they took turns tearing her apart verbally in an effort to help her see the error of her ways.

She never walked tall enough, cleaned well enough, and her lack of ability to present a boy to them that she would dote over was an absolutely appalling sin. That, among other things, was the reason why she found herself out on the street.

If bringing home a boy wasn't bad enough getting caught kissing a girl was the worst thing that could have happened. 

That night her parents screamed and hit, and then finally her pregnant mother clocked her on the head with a frying pan. Her father showed her the door when she woke up and that was the last time she saw them in anything but photos.

Her uncle picked her up, brought her to his house and cried. He apologized and promised her life would never be that way for her again. And it wasn't. She was fast friends with his step-daughter Sapphire and when she was seventeen she was welcoming when Padparadsha joined their family.

Nothing in her life had ever been so complete. And nothing in her life had ever been so incomplete when he died.

"I got you some coffee. I figured you'd be tired." Her aunt said, gesturing towards the cupholder, "How has the studio been going? Do you have a new girlfriend yet?"

This broke Lapis out of her thoughts and she quickly grabbed the cup. It was warm and comforting in her hands. She took a deep breath in and gathered her thoughts before responding.

"Thank you. And the studio is doing great. The winter showcase for the teen and under groups is in a couple months and they're right on track." Lapis responded, then smiled slightly, "No girlfriend. But I've met a nice girl."

\--------------------------------

"No mother, I will not be staying at home. I got a hotel room and I will be there for dinner tomorrow. Yes, I will be there at four o'clock on the dot." Pearl confirmed, "I will see you then."

She sank back in the seat, and looked at Steven in his carseat next to her. He'd been sleeping for a few hours now. Greg was snoring in the passenger seat while Rose drove the rest of the way.

"So what exactly happened between you and Lapis that is making you feel this way?" Rose asked, checking her mirrors before turning off the freeway.

"It's not like there's anything that specifically happened. Just seeing her again is crazy. She's even more stunning and smart." Pearl replied, "I.. I didn't want this, you know. I was just going to talk to her and try to bury some if the past. And to catch up."

"But then?"

"But then.. It doesn't make any sense. She clearly has disdain for me and our talk wasn't anything like I hoped it would be. But for a moment there I could have sworn that she almost smiled." Pearl smiled sadly, and looked out the window, "I think I'm about to become a terrible person."

\----------------------------------

"Welcome home Lapis!!!" 

"Thanks Sapphire, Pad." Lapis faked a smile at the mention of home, trying not to tense up when the younger on her cousins rushed over to hug her.

The house was the same but different. It smelled the same and felt the same. But the furniture was different, and the living spaces redecorated. 

Lapis couldn't decide if she felt relieved or saddened by the changes. On the wall she spied a picture. It was the day her uncle had married her aunt. 

He looked so happy.

She hugged Padparadsha back tightly, tears trying to find their way out of her eyes. The younger girl just held her cousin as she trembled and tried to collect herself.

Lapis pulled away and went to her old room with Sapphire in tow. The door closed with a tiny click and all that could be heard in the house for a moment was a string of muffled sobs.

Padparadsha and her mother were not alarmed by this. It happened every time. Lapis had a hard time handling being back in town, especially being in their home where she had an even harder time avoiding the fact that her uncle wasn't there anymore.

When Lapis and Sapphire returned they had dinner. No one was surprised when Lapis grabbed a jacket and umbrella then left to go for a walk.

She lit up a fancy cigarette from a foreign brand and started her long trek to the other side of town. Her aunt had gifted her the pack when she got there, figuring her neice would not want to go to the store to buy smokes as soon as she arrived.

Her parents never approved of her aunt. Maria Claire was born in France and lived there until she met Lapis' uncle. But the real kicker that made her a heathen to them was that she had a child just three years older than Lapis when she was just seventeen.

They hated her, but the feeling was not mutual for their daughter. Lapis adored Maria. Maria laughed and made jokes in bad taste. Maria was sharp as a tack and showed her love without reservation.

Lapis' uncle was head over heels and when he introduced them for the first time the young Lapis was swayed in ways she never thought possible.

"He loves you and I will love you as well."

Those were Maria's first words to her and even through her thick accent the five year old could hear the word love and immediately started crying.

It was one of the only times of the very few times she would see Maria before she moved in with them. Maria stuck to her word, though. She did love Lapis. 

Maria treated her like kindly and was understanding about the issues that came with taking in a traumatized teenager.

Lapis gripped her umbrella tightly as the wind brushed past in what seemed like a threat to take away her security from the rain.

Before she knew it she was right where she was headed. The cemetery.

\---------------------

Pearl had stopped by her house to pick up her old car. She'd left it behind for her mother to use when she moved so whenever she was at home she would enjoy being able to drive without having to deal with a rental.

She'd gotten set up at her hotel and was on her way to get dinner somewhere in town when she saw what couldn't possibly be Lapis. She pulled over and rubbed her eyes.

It definitely looked like Lapis. It had to be the biggest coincidence in the world. Every year Pearl went home to visit her parents and never once had she seen Lapis back in town.

But there she was in a heavy coat and rain boots, standing in the middle of the cemetery. It was ten o'clock, though. 

Pearl could not imagine why Lapis would be out by herself, illuminated only by the street lights in the dark while the sky was basically trying to drown the town. There could be no reason other than that Lapis was definitely not okay.

Pearl grabbed her umbrella and got out of the car. She walked over to the figure in the distance. The closer she got the worse the image was.

She could see her ex sobbing, and hear she cries that were being drowned out in the rain. Lapis' umbrella was several feet away, blown away by the wind.

Pearl rushed over to her, covering both of them with her umbrella. Lapis looked up at her slowly, eyes devoid of any sort of emotion besides sorrow.

She simply stared at Pearl, much too exhausted to be angry or combative.

"I have my car. I'll get you out of the rain." Pearl offered, basically having to yell it just so Lapis could hear her as the rain got suddenly worse.

Lapis looked over at her umbrella that was by now even farther away and covered in mud, and then to the headstone. She slowly nodded, and Pearl held the umbrella for both of them.

Lapis was still crying when they got in the car. Pearl wasn't quite sure what to do. She had wanted to hug her ex as soon as she reached her, but she didn't think that would be very helpful.

"Do you want to go home? I can drive you there." Pearl offered.

Lapis shook her head, hugging herself tightly.

"I was about to get food. We can go to the bar and get drinks if you want." Pearl tried again.

Lapis sat there for a few minutes, but then slowly nodded her head.

So Pearl drove them to her favorite bar. There were never many people there and it was dimly lit. It looked like the sort of place a bunch of mafia dons would congregate at to discuss territories.

Lapis sat in a booth in the corner with her head rested on the table while Pearl got them drinks and food for herself.

Pearl sat her drink down in front of her face and Lapis sat up. She took a big gulp and sighed. 

"Feel any better?" Pearl asked, not really knowing what to say.

"Not really." Lapis muttered, "I don't want to talk about it though."

"Okay. So what brings you to town then?"

"My family. I haven't seen them in a while. It's miserable here, but that's not their fault." 

Lapis downed her drink and got up to order another one before Pearl stopped her.

"I'll get it."

Lapis rolled her eyes but just didn't have the energy to fight over it.

"I can have them cue up drinks for you if you want." Pearl said when she returned.

"Why are you trying to get me drunk?" Lapis questioned, glaring at her ex.

"I just figured you're having a bad night. I know I can't really help you with this, but I can buy you drinks to help ease your mind." Pearl responded, then cracked a small smile, "Plus you're a bit easier to deal with that way."

"That sounds horrible."

"Maybe. But your opinion of me can't possibly get any worse, right?"

Lapis looked down at her drink thoughtfully before slugging it back and shaking her head.

"My opinion of you.. is complicated." Lapis mumbled, "Why do you care anyways?"

"I.. that's complicated, too."


	7. She Misses Her

Four drinks later.. Wait.. No. Was it five? Lapis was starting to have a hard time keeping track with Pearl being the one getting the refills. It was much easier to keep track when you were the one ordering them. She looked down at the drink in front of her and decided to take it easy with this one. She was glad her mind was still clear enough to make a solid decision. 

"So how'd you meet Peridot?" Pearl asked, stirring her own drink. She'd noticed that Lapis and Peridot were similar in fashion in the way that they could be very tight-lipped with information, though it was very different reasons.

Lapis because she didn't trust people, Peridot because she was anxious and paranoid. It was as if the blonde was scared to share the worst information out of worry of what people would think, and scared to share the best information in the worry that saying it out loud would somehow ruin everything. She'd always spill to Pearl or Amethyst eventually, until Lapis showed up.

"Ah.. We met at a bar. I was having a shit day and she spilled her drink all over me. What an ice breaker, am I right?" Lapis chuckled, "Then she freaked out and started trying to dry my pants with napkins. I couldn't believe it. I mean, she was basically rubbing down a stranger."

Pearl watching as Lapis burst out laughing at the memory, waiting for her to continue. She had to know what had Lapis so enamored with her younger roommate.

"I was so angry I could have screamed at her right there until she started doing that. It cracked me up. Then we just talked and had a few drinks. Commiserated over how difficult it was to be an adult. She's easy to talk to." Lapis shrugged, "It's been a long time since I've met someone who I actually like talking to."

Pearl couldn't help but feel the sting from that comment, even if she knew it was possibly unintentional.

"You mean me."

"How vain of you to think so." Lapis responded. 

That wasn't a no. Pearl sighed, looking at her ex. She wasn't sure what she was looking for. The shorter girl's eyeliner had ran and dried on her cheeks, her big blue eyes were still red, and her hair had turned into a wavy mess from drying after the rain got to it. Pearl suddenly found herself caught up in the way her ex could be so pretty even after a storm.

"You're staring." 

Lapis words brought her back to reality.

"Sorry. I was just looking at your hair. It's really curly right now." Pearl coughed, then cleared her throat, "Lapis.. Why were you out there?"

Lapis frowned, and looked down at her drink. So much for taking it easy. She took a swig and sighed.

"I visit my uncle's grave every time I come back into town on the first day. I try to get the major grieving over with on the first day so I can enjoy the rest of my time with my family without being completely miserable. It's not their fault I can't deal with it. So I go there to scream and cry. Also to talk to him. To tell him all the stuff that's going on. I know he's not there, but it makes me feel a little better to visit his grave."

"I'm really sorry Lapis. I should have never.. I should have been there for you. I'm sorry." Pearl apologized.

Lapis didn't respond. She just chugged her drink and got up quickly to get another one. She slammed that one at the bar and walked back to the booth to grab her coat.

"Where are you going?" Pearl asked, getting up as well.

Lapis was mad. She couldn't stand it. Pearl was right there, apologizing for everything she'd done. But Lapis couldn't handle it. It felt terrible. Like being dragged back to that moment when everything had gone wrong between them. But it wasn't that moment. She knew that. Pearl was being actually apologizing. Peridot's words rang through her head.

_"I don't know the Pearl from back then, but the Pearl I know is a good person."_

"I'm going to smoke and then I'm going home." Lapis responded, her tone sharp.

She rushed outside and Pearl scrambled to settle her bar tab and chug her own drink. 

Lapis had finished half her cigarette by the time she got out there and the rain was now just a light sprinkle. Pearl lit up her own cigarette and stared at her feet.

"I'll take you home. It's still raining."

"It's not that bad."

"We're downtown, it could be dangerous."

"I'll be fine."

"You've been drinking a lot."

Lapis threw her cigarette butt to the ground and her hands up in frustration.

"Fine! Let's just go."

They got into her car quickly and Lapis rolled the passenger side window down to keep smoking. Pearl stole glances of her. In between her ex's curly natural hair and the way she was smoking like her life depended on it reminded her of when they were young, like when they'd just met.

But then she pulled into the driveway of Lapis' old house. Her ex opened the door, but seemed to hesitate.

"Thanks for.. all of this. Maybe Peridot was right." Lapis muttered.

"Oh, no problem. What are you talking about though?"

"Peridot said that you told her everything. I was really surprised. I didn't think you would, but I was wrong. She said that you're a good person. All of tonight I thought.. There was something going on. Like you were going to do something terrible. But you never did." Lapis replied, shrugging, "So I was thinking.. Maybe she was right. Maybe you have changed."

"I really have. I did a lot of bad things. I'm sorry. I'm different then I was.. I want you to see that."

"Maybe one day I will."

\----------------------------

_"Hey! I was just calling because.. I miss you. I was wondering if you were okay. You haven't responded to my text... I know you said you got there okay but I guess I'm still just worried.. Oh stars, this is so long winded. Uhm.. If you-"_

_"Sorry to leave another voice mail but it cut off- Anyways! I'd really like to hear your voice, so if you could call me back that would be great. Well, I think I've embarrassed myself enough now so uh bye!"_

Lapis smiled, setting her phone down and covering her blushing cheeks. Her heart couldn't handle it. She'd left her phone at home to charge. She never thought that someone would be texting her after she'd let them know she'd gotten there safely, let alone call her and leave voicemails.

She couldn't stop herself from calling back right away. She knew Peridot would be busy, but she figured a little game of phone tag would be harmless until they could talk or text again.

"Sorry to make you worry. I have a lot to tell you. And.. I miss you too. Oh, you were right! That's so embarrassing to say! But.. It's sort of nice, I think. I can't wait to see you. Two more days. I'm really looking forward to our date."


	8. An Empty Studio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated this in a while!

Two days had come and gone. Lapis was shoving her luggage in the truck of her aunt's car, sad to leave her family behind but so relieved to get the hell out of this town.

She'd already said goodbye to her baby cousin that morning before Pad had to go to school. Lapis promised the younger girl that she'd call more and that she wouldn't let so much time pass by before she saw Padparadscha again.

She hopped into the car with Ruby, Sapphire, and her aunt to pick up coffee before they started the hour long drive to the airport. Lapis and Ruby were the one's elected to go into the coffee shop, the shorter of the two prying for information on who Lapis had been texting and calling all weekend.

It hadn't taken them long to notice the giddy expressions and mushy smiles Lapis would get every time she looked at her phone. They were teasing her mercilessly.

"You have to tell me about her. Come on, what are cousin's girlfriends for?" Ruby grinned, pulling open the door to the coffee shop.

"Alright, alright. Enough of this. I'll give you some small details and you'll leave me alone, deal?" Lapis mused.

"Deal!"

"She's short, and blonde. She's younger than me, and crazy smart."

"I can't stalk your social media and find her with information like that! I need names!" Ruby objected, "I told Sapphire I'd get you to spill the details."

"I guess you shouldn't make promises you can't keep." Lapis responded, a big smirk on her face before she turned to the barista and made their order.

\--------------------------------

Pearl stopped in her tracks when she saw Lapis across the street. She contemplated walking over and chatting with her ex, but then she saw Ruby and decided against it.

With the knowledge that Peridot put in a good word for her, she really didn't want to counterattack that with any bad things she knew Ruby would remind Lapis of. 

The short tempered woman absolutely hated Pearl after the breakup. They'd ended up at the same Christmas party a few years back and Ruby had accused her of being a "Criminal of love!" drunkenly before she and Sapphire left.

Knowing that Lapis already didn't trust her, she decided that this small interaction wouldn't be worth the trouble. But what would be? When would she even see Lapis next? They'd apparently lived in the same city for the past two years and never ran into each other. But now that Peridot was interested in her ex and Amethyst had taken a liking to hanging out with Garnet it shouldn't be that long, right?

She could play in fifth wheel as long as she needed to. Pearl had come home with the intention of talking herself out of making a mess out of her friendships, but when she saw Lapis and gave her a ride home she couldn't stop thinking about her.

Lapis smoking a cigarette, hand hanging out the window as her naturally wavy hair blew around stirred up so many memories and emotions that Pearl had been unable to take her mind off of it. They were **in love**. They had something real at a time. Maybe they could have it again.

\------------------------------------

Lapis sighed, walking to the tiny bar in the airport. Her flight was delayed, apparently due to some bad weather. She begrudgingly ordered a drink and some peanuts, all the while of thinking about how this was really going to set back her plans.

She still had to go down to the dance studio and do some accounting, and now she definitely wasn't going to be there at six like she'd planned. A late night in her office was not exactly what she was looking forward to about getting home.

'My flight got delayed! Because of the weather. This is such a pain.'

She sighed, wishing she had opted for sweats instead of actual clothing for this flight. She ended up killing the next two hours by pulling out her laptop and getting as much work done as she could from a separate location. Even if she could do most of the accounting online she still had to go and make a record of it, let alone just needing to check on the building itself.

Business owner ship was stressful, and she had very quickly learned that you never **truly** left work. She'd been hiring more people to handle the growing business so she could still dance herself. It was difficult to balance in the beginning, but she was finally getting a handle on it which was the only reason she could even afford to go do some work in Las Vegas.

Several hours later she got a message back.

'Want me to fight them for you? (ง'̀-'́)ง '

Lapis coughed out a laugh before taking a sip of her third drink when the next message came.

'But this means you're going to be back later right? I could pick you up from the airport if you want.'

The blue haired woman couldn't prevent the smile from forming on her face, her heart unable to stop from warning up at the idea of seeing the younger woman sooner than expected.

'That would be amazing! Are you sure?'

'Of course! It's not a problem for me.'

That was when she noticed the other passengers on her flight getting up. Lapis cursed, slapping a fifty down on the table before shoving her laptop in her carry on bag and running over to board the flight. When she got to her seat she pulled out her phone again, sending her last text before turning her phone off for the flight.

'Just got on the plane! I should be back at seven! Thank you!'

Lapis looked over at the mother and baby sitting next to her, sighing as she thought about what a lovely endeavor the next several hours of blocking out screaming would be.

\-----------------------------------

Lapis grabbed her luggage off the baggage claim rotator, checking her makeup in her compact mirror. She made a few adjustment to her eyeliner and lipstick before walking out to the parking lot. To her surprise Peridot was already parked in the almost empty lot, leaning against her car and scrolling through her phone.

"Fancy seeing you here!" Lapis called out, grinning as Peridot looked up. The blonde had her glasses on, something the blue haired woman had yet to see, "Nice eye-wear."

"I'm out of contacts." Peridot admitted, blushing a bit, "I know it doesn't really help with the dorky factor I've already got going on."

"Hey, I never knew I liked a lady with glasses." Lapis mused, reaching out to give the shorter girl a hug, "Thanks for picking me up. This is way better than a cab ride with a stranger."

"I would hope so!" The blonde scoffed, returning the embrace as her blush intensified.

The taller woman let go sooner than she would have liked as to not make it too uncomfortable on their newly admitted affections for each other.

"To your's, right?" Peridot asked, popping the truck so Lapis could put her bag in the car.

"Yeah, I have to drop this stuff off. I'd offer to pay for dinner since you picked me up, but I have to go to the studio and get some work done." Lapis sighed, getting into the passenger's side as Peridot made her way to the driver's.

"I don't have anything going on and I don't go to work until noon tomorrow. We could get take out and I could go with you." The blonde offered, hoping to extend their time together. It had been a long three days. She hadn't anticipated how much she would suddenly miss Lapis' presence. Was it all because of that silly kiss, or was it the confirmation of having something between them that night at Lapis' apartment that made her eager to see the older woman so soon?

Peridot wasn't sure. All she knew was that Lapis was back and she wanted to be in the same space with her crush as long as she could be.

"That sounds perfect. I'm starving and it'll be great to have you around.. but are you sure it won't be too boring for you? I will be working, after all." Lapis replied.

"No, I can keep myself busy. Plus it'll be interesting to see you in your environment." Peridot grinned, making the turn off the freeway to the street the taller woman's apartment complex was on.

"Then I'd love that." Lapis confirmed, a content look settling itself on her face.

Lapis ran her stuff up to her apartment before going back to the car and buckling back in so they could take off. The studio was a ten minute drive from her place, and in that time they debated about what to get for dinner.

They settled on Mediterranean as they pulled into the shared parking lot. They walked up to the building and Lapis unlocked the empty buisness, setting off the warning alarm. She rushed over to the panel, punching in the code before turning the lights on.

"Somehow I feel like I'm breaking in." Peridot chuckled a bit, looking around the room. The front of the building only contained the office and reception area, all feeling a little ominous.

"The alarm system typically makes it feel like that. There's not a more urgent feeling than not wanting to set it off on your own building. The police would show up and it would be a complete disaster. But it's probably more of the feeling of an empty, hollow building. It's sort of nice though. Kind of like entering a dimension where time just.. stops." Lapis shrugged, leading them into her office.

Her jaw dropped when she saw all the paperwork that had stacked up in her absence, sighing a bit, "Do you mind if I get into this a bit before we get food?"

"No, I'll live." Peridot replied, going to sit on the love seat in the corner. The room had a few storage bins filled with costumes, but other than that it was rather clean. There was a mini fridge next to Lapis' desk and a blanket folded up under it. She wondered if Lapis slept here occasionally.

Lapis groaned, sorting the work into different categories. Clients, student, and applications. She was relieved to find out almost all of these things could wait a few days, putting them in their respective desk drawers before starting up the computer. She cracked her knuckles much to Peridot's amusement before putting on some music and digging into paying the bills before sorting through the payments coming in.

Peridot thought it was pretty interesting to see Lapis as an actual business woman, balancing work and going through files. She'd never seen the taller woman do something so typically boring. It was a little funny to see this force of nature deal with paperwork. The blonde smiled a bit, deciding to get a little jump on some work of her own.

Before they knew it an hour had passed and nothing near them could be ordered in. It had to be picked up, and since Lapis still had a bit of work to do Peridot elected that she would go get it.

"Thank you! You're a saint!" Lapis smiled, before calling in their order and having them put it on her card.

Peridot gave her a small wave before taking off. Lapis sighed a bit watching the blonde go before redirecting her attention to the screen. She finished everything up and then got up to do her inspection of the building.

Everything seemed to be in order, except the mats still being on in middle of the floor in the dance room. She folded them and stacked them against the wall before letting out a deep breath of air. Her gaze focused on the wall of mirror, reflecting her tired face. Lapis chuckled a bit before kicking off her shoes and going over to the boom box in the corner.

It was for her personal musical needs. The studio had speakers set up so no one used the battery powered device but herself. She switched out the disk, pressing play and shuffling over to the center of the room to unwind in the best way she knew how.

\---------------------------

When Peridot came back she noticed light and music coming from a different room, walking over to the doorway to see her crush's body twisting in elegant movements. It looked fluid and impossible, hypnotizing to the eyes.

Lapis was incredibly flexible, and Peridot had no idea how she could possibly posses so much strength in such a slender body. Even though she was sure she would fall flat on her face, watching the blue haired woman dance about made her want to do the same, music and motion daring her to try as well. This must be how Lapis was so successful. The urge to watch forever or join in was astounding.

But suddenly Lapis stopped, eyes fixated on the blonde as she walking forward and the music kept on playing without her.

"Sorry about that. I didn't see you. Why didn't you say something?" The taller woman asked.

"It's no problem, I like watching you dance. I'm sort of disappointed that you stopped. I couldn't bring myself to say anything." Peridot admitted, returning the smile.

"Look at you, full of compliments. Flattery will get you everywhere!" Lapis laughed, gasping when the next sound came on, "You should dance with me! It's a slow song, I promise. Please?"

"O-Oh I don't know I'm not very good at it-" Peridot started, but was quickly cut off.

"I'll lead. Anyone can slow dance. I won't do anything complicated, I swear." Lapis insisted. The blonde sighed and set their food on the ground, leaving it behind as Lapis led her by the hand to the middle of the room.

_Somewhere in between_  
_In between_  
_You and me, oh_  
_Somewhere in between_  
_In between_  
_You and me, oh_

Peridot resisted the want to run as Lapis held her close, taking those first few steps to begin this slow dance. But once they started suddenly it wasn't so scary, and with Lapis' confident steps leading her she found it easy to follow along. Before she knew it she was completely wrapping up in the rhythm they had created together.

_Somewhere between your neck and my throat_  
_Hung up in light, the dead, it makes me choke_  
_Kept out of sight_  
_I'll never find glimpses of heaven at night_  
_So cover your eyes_  
_And study the shapes you're creating_  
_Cause baby I'm waiting to find_  
_Somewhere in between_  
_You and me there's a measure of distance_  
_I can't quite calculate_  
_Somewhere in between_  
_You and me I'll be counting the minutes_  
_'Till I can lie down to wait_

Suddenly they were whirling around and Peridot had never felt so free on her feet or in the grasp of someone else. There was no contention or awkwardness like there was at her dance classes. Lapis was leading, but they were in this together. Somehow the taller woman seemed to know which way felt the most comfortable to move, and dancing had never come so easily to the blonde. Slowly they became closer and closer until the song stopped, lips on each other's.

They melted together, food long forgotten as they got as close as humanly possible.

When they stopped they both looked at each other, awestruck. Then Lapis started laughing and Peridot suddenly felt very insecure, face lighting up. Had the blonde done something wrong?

"Wh-What?" Peridot mumbled, looking away.

"Nothing, it's nothing. I was just thinking.. I swore I wouldn't make it complicated. I guess I lied." Lapis smiled, pressing her lips against Peridot's cheek for a chaste kiss.

"I-It's okay.. I don't think I mind complicated with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is Somewhere In Between by VÉRITÉ.


	9. First Date Anxiety

Lapis patted her hair down, double checking her dark blue lipstick in the mirror as she tried to calm her nerves. She straightening out her dress as she thought about how silly being concerned really was. A few days ago Peridot had seen her get off a flight. Certainly she had to look better than that now.

And even looking like that the blonde had wanted to kiss her. Lapis took in a deep breathe at the thought and fussed over her hair some more. This crush was going to be the death of her. It had been years since she'd liked someone so much.

It wasn't that she didn't like romance or love. It was just that it rarely came very naturally for her. But with Peridot it couldn't have felt more organic. To thinking the blonde was cute, to enjoying her company, to gradually starting to think of Peridot more than just a good friend.. It felt so easy. Like it was meant to be.

She slipped a pair of shoes on before grabbing her purse and heading out the door.

\-----------------------------------

"Contacts? No contacts? She said she liked my glasses last time... I can't find my shoes! Oh no should I wear heels?!"

"Whoa, girl. You need to chill." Amethyst said, sitting on Peridot's bed as she watched the blonde promptly freak out, "Lapis has known you for a while. And if she said yes to a date then I'm willing to bet that she likes you how you always are."

"But it's a **date** Amethyst. Our first date! That I invite her to... Oh stars what if she ends up disappointed?! It'll be all my fault since I was the one that brought the whole thing up!" Peridot could practically feel her soul begging to leave her corporeal form, "Why did I do this?! I've been on a total of two dates my entire life! And they were both terrible!"

"Probably because you liked neither of those people. Come back down to reality with the rest of us P-Dot. Look, I've been on tons of dates and the only thing that really matters is being with the person that you like. Even if the place you go is cruddy or something goofs up it won't even matter because you'll be together."

"Together. Together with Lapis. Being with Lapis is always nice.." Peridot took a deep breath, calming down a bit, "I'm being a clod. You are absolutely correct Amethyst. Besides, the first time I met her I was tipsy and sweaty in a bar. Maybe I should get tipsy and run in place so I'm sweaty? No that's a terrible idea..."

"Glad you could come to that conclusion on your own!" Amethyst laughed, "Okay, first date formula. Wear your best pants and a nice shirt, or vice versa. And a pair of shoes that are comfortable but not beat up."

Peridot nodded her head slowly, absorbing the information and going through her closet, "But what about my glasses? Should I just wear contacts like usual? What about makeup? Should I-"

"Okay, stop. Wear your normal amount of makeup. As for the eye wear I'd go with glasses. Contacts hurt if they're left in too long, right? What if you decide to go back to her place?" Amethyst advised.

"B-Back t-to h-her place?!" Peridot stammered, face beet red.

\------------------------------

Pearl almost got hit with the front door as she went to unlock it as it burst open. Peridot rushed past with a quick, "Sorry Pearl sorry!". She scowled and tried not to glare daggers into her friend's back, though they'd probably match the knife she'd stuck in it.

She knew what today was. Their date plans had been making her feel slightly ill for days, but now she was just downright agitated.

All the talk of what they were going to do, how nervous Peridot was, and the general talk of Lapis at all was absolutely killing Pearl. She didn't want to hear Peridot talk about her ex girlfriend in such a giddy, romantic way. It threw Pearl into a fit of uncomfortable jealousy and made it really difficult to pretend to be the good friend she used to be.

She just had to let this run it's course. Maybe Lapis would get tired of Peridot's endless stream of chatter and anxiety. Maybe Peridot wouldn't be able to handle Lapis' complex emotions or flighty reflexes. Knowing both of them like Pearl did there was a good chance any of a million different things could go wrong. 

Or at least she hoped it would.

\-----------------------------------

"Lapis!" Peridot exclaimed, rushing through the crowd and over to the blue haired woman.

They'd decided to meet up on the pier before going to dinner, but apparently there was an event going on and it was very crowded. Which was worrisome because Peridot hadn't made reservations and there was a good chance everywhere was going to be full.

"Hey! It's pretty crazy out here, huh?" Lapis smiled, "It's like a mini carnival."

"Yeah I'm kind of worried we won't be able to find anywhere to eat. I was going to take you to the best Italian restaurant in town but..." Peridot pointed over to the crowded patio area of the restaurant.

Lapis just shrugged, "It's not big a deal. There are tons of restaurants on the pier and if they're all full we can eat food from one of these kiosks."

"Yeah, you're right. Maybe I could take you there some other time." Peridot offered, smiling when Lapis happily agreed. The taller woman grabbed her hand, and they weathered the crowd together in search of a place to eat.

An hour and no food later Lapis had called off the search. They got corndogs at one of the booths and while it was a little discouraging to know that she'd messed up Peridot had found that Amethyst was correct in saying it didn't matter if something went wrong because being with Lapis really was the only thing that mattered.

In the span of their short and failed mission they'd joked around and Peridot got to hold hands with the woman she liked the whole time as they discussed different types of food. She was learning a bunch of new stuff about Lapis because of this miscalculation. Right now she was learning that Lapis enjoyed ungodly amounts of mustard on corndogs.

"The mustard is necessary to eat the breading." Lapis insisted.

"Why didn't you just get a hot dog if you don't like the breading?" Peridot asked.

"I like the breading! I just like it coated in mustard." The taller woman replied, then took a bite as if to prove her point.

"I'll make a note of it. Mustard for Lapis." Peridot smiled, adjusting her glasses slightly.

Lapis returned it and they finished eating in a comfortable silence. Lapis liked that Peridot had this tendency to look forward to the future. The blonde had set up another date with her within minutes of this one beginning and it made her feel good. Like they were really going somewhere with this, and that it was exciting to do so.

What she hadn't liked so much was Peridot's tendency to bring up Pearl when she'd tell Lapis things about her life. She understood that they were friends and roommates so Pearl was a big part of Peridot's life, but she wished they could avoid the topic of ex-girlfriends on their first date. It just felt a little weird, but she guessed she was just going to have to get used to it if she was going to date Peridot.

They threw away their trash and decided to have a look around at all the kiosks and game booths. Then Peridot saw it. She stopped dead in her tracks, causing Lapis to stop as well due to their interlocked hands. Lapis followed the shorter woman's line of sight in her confusion, noticing a test of strength game with various stuffed animals as prizes.

"Do you want one?" Lapis asked, smiling a bit as she noticed an alien plush. Peridot had showed up to their date that night looking very nice in a pair of black pants and a white blouse with little green alien heads scattered across it. Perhaps aliens were something she enjoyed like Lapis did with aquatic animals.

"It's childish..." Peridot trailed off.

"Nonsense. It'll be fun!" Lapis countered, leading them over to the game.

"Hello there little ladies! Would you like to test your strength?" The man at the counter asked, smiling at them way too much for Lapis' liking, "I bet you want to see if you can get it halfway."

"Nope. I'm here to ring that bell." Lapis narrowed her eyes at him, letting go of Peridot's hand to give this creep five bucks and grab the mallet.

She swung it back and slammed it down, grinning when it as the weight flew up and hit the bell at the top. Lapis watched Peridot's face light up as the man handed her the giant stuff alien and it made her light up as well.

"Thank you. Even though it's horribly immature you were very cool." Peridot mused as they walked away.

"Double sided compliment, but I'll take it. Want to go down to the beach?" Lapis asked.

"Sure." 

They walked down the steps and around all the boulders in the sand.

"Hard to believe I found you out here drinking a forty just a couple of weeks ago." Peridot commented, watching as the tide came in and threatened to brush up against their shoes.

"Ugh that was so embarrassing. Any way I can convince you to forget about that?" Lapis asked.

"No way! Oh but I never did ask what had made you so upset that night. What was it?"

"Oh.. I had met up with Pearl for lunch. We talked about the past and it really bothered me." Lapis sighed.

"Your friendship must have meant a lot to make you so distressed even now." Peridot frowned, looking up at the taller woman.

"Friend..ship?" Lapis murmured, a dark expression coming over her face, "I'm sorry, did you say friendship?"

"Yes? A close bond between two people. Friendship." Peridot stately slowly, tilting her head to the side as confusion started to build in her mind. It was a simple word wasn't it? Anyone could understand it.

"A close bond between two people is right, but we weren't in a friendship. We were in a relationship." Lapis muttered.

Peridot's eyes widened and she let go of Lapis' hand, "A relationship? Like..."

"Like girlfriends." Lapis scowled, "She told you we were friends?"

"Y-Yeah.. Y-You dated Pearl? No wonder she's been so distant and you don't like talking about her. If I would have know I never would have..." Peridot trailed off as she saw a pained look appear on Lapis' face.

"Never would have what?" The taller woman pressed, eyes searching for the answer's in Peridot's own green pair.

"I-I just mean I wouldn't have been so forward and I-"

"Never would have what?! Told me you liked me? Kissed me? Because of her?!" Lapis cried as the wind rushed around them.

"I just mean that I would have talked to her about it first!" Peridot tried to explain, but the taller woman just looked madder than before.

"About me? For what? So she could give you permission or something?!" Lapis snapped, not taking her eyes off of the blonde or moving an inch even though the water was hitting her ankles as the tide rose, "That's not how it works Peridot! She's my ex! She doesn't get to decide who I date anymore!"

"I-I.. It's just so complicated now! If I could talk to her it would make more sense!" Peridot exclaimed, pulling at her hair a bit.

"I thought you didn't mind complicated with me.." Lapis whispered and Peridot barely caught the pained words as water crashed against the rocks. All Lapis could think about was the other night. Dancing with the blonde and kissing her. Was that another thing that never would have happened if Peridot had known the truth?

The blonde stood there in a stunned silence as she watched the taller woman look more hurt by the second. She didn't know what to say or do. Her mind raced as she tried to figure out a way out of this mess. 

"Fine. I get it." Lapis muttered. Her face felt hot. Her lips were trembling and it felt hard to breathe as tears threatened to spill out of her eyes. But she didn't want to cry. Not here. It felt humiliating enough as Peridot stared at her with panic written all over her face.

Lapis clenched her fists and walked past the blonde as quickly as she could. She could hear Peridot following her, telling her to "Stop! Wait! Come back!" and when she got to the steps she did indeed stop. The tears were hot falling down her face. Turning around and seeing Peridot's mortified expression at seeing that she was crying only served to make it all the more embarrassing.

"I really liked you! A lot! Enough to listen to you about Pearl and not care that you were her friend.." Lapis choked out, "Enough to take you to my house! My private space! I actually thought that this could really be something. But now you're hesitating because of this. I thought when she told you that you might have thought it was weird or it would be awkward. But I didn't think you would have let it effect us."

The words stung but what hurt worse was Lapis rushing up the stairs and taking off before Peridot had a second to say anything back. The blonde looked back at where they were standing when this started, then at the stuffed alien she had in a vice grip, then back to the stairs.

Lapis looked so hurt. Peridot had made her look like that. The blonde wasn't sure there was another time she'd felt so horrible and guilty before. How was she going to fix this? Could she fix this? There had to be a way. She wasn't ready for this to be the end. She still wanted to see Lapis smile more, laugh more, dance more.. She wanted to kiss her and hold her hand more.

She walked up the steps to the boardwalk like a zombie, deep in thought as she made her way through the crowd and to her car. She got in and leaned her head against the steering wheel. She'd never been in a situation like this before.

What was she going to do?


	10. A Terrible Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Translations for the French are at the top and bottom accordingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mon bijou: My jewel.  
> Non: No.  
> Je veux être avec toi pour toujours: I want to be with you forever.  
> Est-ce une demande en mariage: Is this a marriage proposal?

_"Mon bijou, do you know where my bag is?" Lapis asked, drying off her hair as she walked into their living room._

_"No, but you should give up your search and speak more French to me." Pearl mused, setting her book down and setting her eyes on her girlfriend's sleepy form. Lapis had gotten home and rushed to the shower after practice. She'd worked all day then gone to dance and she was officially exhausted._

_"You don't even understand what I'm saying half the time." Lapis rolled her eyes, walking over to the taller girl and sitting next to her on their tiny couch._

_"But I like it, and besides I'm still learning." Pearl rebuffed, "Watch, tell me something and I'll do my best to understand it."_

_"Le seul vrai langage au monde est un baiser." Lapis smiled, leaning up a bit for a chaste kiss._

_"I got language and kiss." Pearl offered, "What does it mean?"_

_"The only true language in the world is a kiss. It's a quote." Lapis replied, "Cheesy, non?"_

_"It's endearing. Say another one." Pearl urged, grabbing Lapis' hands and planting a kiss on her cheek._

_"T'aimer, c'est comme le paradis." The blue haired girl uttered, then chuckled a bit, "Loving you is like paradise. Have you got any phrases down?"_

_"I'm not the best at pronouncing everything so forgive me if I butcher it." Pearl blushed a bit, looking away, "Je veux être avec toi pour toujours."_

_"Oh? Est-ce une demande en mariage?" Lapis grinned, swinging her legs over and sitting up to straddle her girlfriend._

_"Marriage? What?" Pearl asked as Lapis began to play with her hair._

_"Is this a marriage proposal? I was kidding, don't mind me." Lapis clarified, leaning into the taller girl and closing her eyes, "I'm too tired for my mind to work right and now I'm being silly."_

_"I love silly you."_

\---------------------------------------------------

Amethyst came back home that night to the sounds of screaming. She walked into the scene of Peridot yelling at Pearl, absolutely furious. Pearl looked angry as well, though she seemed to be keeping her cool. Or at least that's what Amethyst thought until she heard what Pearl was saying.

"What do you know? I knew everything about her. Did you know her family disowned her? That's why she lived with her uncle! Did you know that she speaks French when she's at home? I do! Because she used to come home to **me**!" Pearl snapped, "She was mine and I want her back! Do you know how much it hurts to see you touch her?!"

"She doesn't care about you anymore! In fact I'm pretty sure that she hates you!" Peridot hissed, "So what, you did all of this because you're jealous?!"

"The opposite of love isn't hate Peridot, it's indifference. And she only hates me because she loved me so damn much and I fucked it up! We didn't break up because she didn't care about me anymore it was because I fucked someone else! She even wanted to take me back after I did it! That's how much she loved me! You don't want to fight with me Peridot because I will win."

"I'm already winning! We kissed! She agreed to go on that date with me! **She wants to be with me**!" Peridot had never been so ready to hit someone in her entire life. This was one of her best friends and the blonde was now unsure if she's hated someone so much before.

"What do I care about a kiss?! We were in a relationship! We spent countless nights fuc-"

And that was it. Peridot decked her right in the face. It would have been quite a reach for her, but Pearl had leaned down to spew all these nasty words right to her face. She was going to do it again but Amethyst got inbetween them.

"That's enough! Are we children? Fighting over a girl, really? What happened?!" Amethyst asked, looking at both of them like they'd gone absolutely insane.

"She lied! She wasn't friends with Lapis at all! She fucking dated her! She's been using me to get close to her this whole time!" Peridot shrieked, angry eyes still firmly planted on Pearl.

"What?!" Amethyst shrieked, looking back at Pearl for her side of the story, "Pearl I swear... Say that's not true."

"Fuck this." Pearl muttered, grabbing her coat and taking off towards the door.

Before she closed the door she looked Peridot dead in the eyes and said her parting words, "You're nothing more than a distraction."

\----------------------------------------------

Pearl wasn't surprised to see the lights of the studio on. A little surprised that the doors were unlocked, but she'd already figured if it was like Peridot had said Lapis was probably pretty wasted. She walked into the studio and followed the music, to a sweaty Lapis Lazuli on the ground drinking whiskey straight from the bottle.

"Drunkenly rage dancing to shitty girl bands?" Pearl asked, watching the other woman jump.

Lapis choked on her swig, grabbing her chest where her heart was thumping against it, "You scared the hell out of me! What are you- Oh shit what happened to your eye?"

"Peridot has an impressive right hook." Pearl grabbed the bottle out of her hands despite Lapis' protests, taking a swig before passing it back.

"She hit you?! Why? Because you lied?" Lapis asked.

"Ahh.. No. We started arguing about you and I brought up that you and I have had sexual relations. I guess that was the last straw. Is it that bad?" Pearl shrugged.

"Oh yeah. She got you good. I'm glad about it too. That was low of you. Vous l'avez eu à venir à vous." Lapis scoffed, tipping the bottle up to her mouth, "Why are you here?"

"You're finally speaking French out in the world. Look at you, all confident." Pearl mused, heart swelling a bit at the language of love even though the words weren't kind. She was glad to have Lapis talk to her at all even though she knew it was just because the other woman was drunk.

"Well yeah I moved to France after you ditched me so I sort of had to speak the language. After that I wasn't worried anymore. I just don't speak it often because there's no reason to. No one here would understand what I'm saying. But I have a bad habit of doing it in the studio." Lapis rambled on, "But enough stalling. Why are you here? If you know what happened then you should know you're the last person I want to see."

"Well the thing is.. you're the first person I want to see. And I knew you would be here. You always did this when you were upset. Though it was more illegal back then." Pearl smiled at the thought of the fond memories, taking the bottle from Lapis again. She guzzled down some more liquid courage before setting the bottle down on the ground.

"I had a key! For the last time it's not breaking in if you have a key! Like you have any room to talk! You were right there with me." Lapis groaned, "What was that though? The first person you want to see?"

"Yes, about that. The cat is sort of out of the bag anyway because Peridot knows.." Pearl sighed, grabbing both of Lapis' hands in her's, "I know I messed everything up with us. I know I really messed everything up for you and Peridot. You have every reason to be mad at me, but I did it because.. I still love you. I want you back."

Lapis' eyes widened and she went pale at the confession, "Are you insane? You cheated on me. You lied to Peridot and messed with my potential relationship. Then you used sleeping with me as a way to hurt her. And in case you're somehow forgetting: I like Peridot. Sure, I'm... frustrated with her right now, but I still like her."

"You could stop liking her. You could choose me. Or I mean.. in case **you're** forgetting, it's very possible to like two people. It wouldn't be the first time I shared someone." Pearl murmured.

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because even in Lapis' typically lenient, alcohol induced state Pearl watched as her expression went from confused and sad to absolutely pissed. The blue haired woman's hands ripped themselves away from her's and she felt a palm collide with her face, following by a stinging pain.

"Comment pourriez-vous être si cruel?! You think I'm you?! You think I would do to someone what you did to me?!" Lapis hissed, a venomous look in her eyes.

"Would it be cruel if Peridot knew? If she agreed?" Pearl asked, picking up the bottle and offering it to the blue haired woman.

"Why would Peridot ever agree to that after what you did to her?! And where's my say in this?!" Lapis snapped, ripping the bottle out of Pearl's hands. 

"Peridot is a logical girl. She knows that I'm even willing to ruin our long standing friendship for you, and she knows you loved me. She'll fight me if I try to pursue you, but she has a shot at losing. Given this opportunity she might be inclined to agree for the security that she would have you. I would do it for you if I was her." Pearl got closer and closer with every word, fully intending on going in for a kiss until she saw the broken look in Lapis' eyes.

"You broke my heart. You threw my love aside. Do you know how long it took to get over you? How many dreams I had of you, or how many times I would wake up and hope that you would be there? How much I needed you and cried all alone? How much I felt like I wasn't enough and that I never would be because of what you did?" Lapis rasped, tearing up, "You shattered me. I pulled myself back together and now I like someone who I believe to be very kind. And you want me to let you back into my life?"

"I will do anything to make it up to you. I made the wrong choice. I've never been more sorry in my life. Please believe me." Pearl murmured, pulling the other woman into a strong embrace as she cried, "I'm so, so sorry. I love you so much."

Lapis slowly composed herself, pulling away as she shook her head, "Please leave."

Pearl looked down at the blue haired woman's sad face and frowned. Every cell in her body screamed for her to stay, to press the issue further and make Lapis see it her way. But those hurt eyes begged to be left alone, to have at least some tiny bit of peace. So Pearl folded. It was enough tonight. She'd gotten her point across.

"Je veux être avec toi pour toujours. Je t'aimerai toujours." Pearl whispered, turning to leave, "Don't forget to lock the doors. Contrary to what you may believe.. there are worse people than me out there."

She struggled to walk away and out the door at the sound of the muffled sobs she had created.

\----------------------------------------------

Peridot had left several frantic voicemails on Lapis' phone after twenty calls with no answer. She considered that Lapis probably didn't want to speak to her tonight, but she couldn't stop herself. She'd finally realized what she'd done wrong. 

After fighting with Pearl it was suddenly so clear. Lapis wasn't upset with her for being confused nor for her lack of any reassurance that Peridot still cared for her despite their situation, though she was sure that would hurt as well.

No, she was certain Lapis was upset with her for saying that she would have talked to Pearl. Her crush was right, Pearl had no say in who Lapis dated and Peridot saying otherwise was almost as bad as saying that Lapis was Pearl's property. 

On top of saying it would have changed things between them if she had known, Peridot was certain it was a fatal blow. She'd said exactly that in her voicemails, along with saying though she understood why Lapis had run she wished that she hadn't and that she hoped Lapis got her phone calls before the other woman left for Las Vegas in the morning because Peridot really wanted to talk to her.

Her heart jumped as the phone she'd been checking obsessively rang. Lapis!

"H-Hello?" Peridot answered. Her heart felt heavy in her chest. She'd been so caught up in wishing that Lapis would just please, please call that she hadn't thought about how anxiety inducing talking to her would be.

"Peridot.." The voice rang out on the other line, sounding very much in pain. She could hear Lapis sniffling and her heart dropped.

\--------------------------------------

"Are you okay?" The blonde's voice came out strained and full of concern. It almost made Lapis feel like smiling.

Getting all the phone calls and voicemails had been very heart warming. Mostly because it was nice to know that Peridot did in fact still want to talk to her regardless of the fact that she dated Pearl, and that the shorter woman understood why she was so upset. The amount of thought that had gone into her apology was astounding.. and long. It took six voicemails for her to get it all across. But that felt so charmingly Peridot to her.

"Not really. But that's not why I called. I got your voicemails. I can't meet you tomorrow, I'm sorry. I've been drinking and I really need to get as much sleep as I still can before I get on the flight. But I'll text you when I get there and I promise we can talk as soon as I get back." Lapis murmured, curling up on the couch in her office, "I hope that's okay."

"Yeah.. Of course it is. Good night Lapis." Peridot said softly.

"Good night Peridot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vous l'avez eu à venir à vous: You had it coming.  
> Comment pourriez-vous être si cruel: How could you be so cruel?  
> (again) Je veux être avec toi pour toujours: I want to be with you forever.  
> Je t'aimerai toujours: I will love you forever.


	11. What Do You Want?

Lapis sighed, getting settled into her hotel room. She’d been in Las Vegas for three days now. Her trip was coming to an end and soon enough she’d be back home and right in the thick of all the drama she left behind.

She’d been trying her best to put it out of her mind but she found that every night she was in this room all alone it would worm it’s way into her thoughts. It was painful in a way to think about either of them.

Peridot’s words that night out by the ocean. A sweet date gone so wrong so fast. Rage built in her chest at the thought of the reasons why, then guilt bubbled up along with it at the sickening reminder that she’d fled.

As always things got hard and she ran. Why did she always do it? Why couldn’t she just stick around? It was like this with Pearl in the beginning too. But Pearl was persistent in her never ending pursuit. 

Eventually she’d gotten used to the fact that even if she tried to run the taller woman would always be hot on her trail. With Pearl she’d learned to fight tooth and nail, to stand beside each other even in the worst of situations. They fought together, for each other and they would forever.. or so she’d thought.

But maybe that was why she felt this way. Maybe it was why she couldn’t stop running, couldn’t put faith into a romantic partner. She’d put faith and trust into Pearl like someone in the stock market that had gotten a bad tip. It had gone bust. Her heart bankrupt.

She fell face first on the bed, groaning into the comforter at the thoughts of her unfaithful ex. Persistent as always. She rolled over and grabbed her chest, heart pounding at the thought of the last night she’d spent in town.

Pearl leaning in closer and closer, those twisted ideas of her’s taking physical form as they leaked out of her mouth. Lapis’ heart had been pounding then too. A million miles a minute and out of pure terror.

She’d actually been unable to fully comprehend Pearl’s words until the taller woman left. Lapis had been totally frozen in a moment of panic at the thought that Pearl was going to kiss her.

It was like torture. She couldn’t think of anything that she wanted less.. or- in a way.. more. A part of her had always wished she could have kissed Pearl one last time.

Their breakup had been so brutal and sudden. It wasn’t something she’d seen coming and it definitely wasn’t something she wanted. Lapis hadn’t known what the future had in store for them but she definitely hadn’t thought it was that.

And now all of this.

When would it be enough? When would the storm calm? When would the time to breathe finally come?

She thought she’d found it in Peridot. Meet a cute girl, get to know her, start liking her, and then find out she’s best friends with your ex? Lapis was pretty sure that wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

And what was she doing sticking around? Why was the pull to Peridot so strong that she was willingly blinding herself and willingly put up with her ex just to be about to be around the blonde?

Working hard to forget while being reminded. But.. Peridot’s uneven smile, her bright eyes, her interested and inquisitive nature were all things that Lapis couldn’t stop herself from swooning over.

Sure, Peridot was a cute girl. But it was so much more. It was warmth and fondness that Lapis just didn’t know was even possible anymore. Peridot was extraordinary.

Even Peridot’s social follies and her awkward disposition were things that Lapis found herself enjoying more than she thought possible. The blonde’s unknowingly rude yet innocent comments and spontaneous bursts of energy made Lapis’ heart feel tight in the best way.

But if they kept going down this path it was going to be difficult and messy. They were going to have to confront issues that would not normally be a problem for a new couple.

And worst of all they were going to have to talk about Pearl.

————————————————

Peridot frowned as she stared down at her phone. At the tense, short conversations she’d been having with Lapis over the past few days.

It had never been like this with them before. She spent three hours the second night Lapis was gone trying to figure out why this normal conversation felt so weird. She went through older messages between them and noticed the difference.

Lapis’ messages had never been so short before. Her crush normally slipped a joke in somewhere or asked how Peridot’s day had gone.

She was not sure what that meant; so she asked Amethyst. The look on her friend’s face told her it probably wasn’t something good.

“Maybe she’s still having a hard time about the other night.” Amethyst said, a smile on her face.

But Amethyst never smiled so calmly unless she was trying to break some bad news to Peridot.

So she pushed more, wanting to know what was going on and how bad it was. Amethyst frowned then, leaning in a bit closer and setting her hand over Peridot’s.

“P-Dot look.. She’s giving you the cold shoulder. She’s being distant. And maybe that’s not a bad thing. Maybe she’s trying to figure out what’s going on and what she wants to do.” Amethyst sighed, “I think you should too.”

“Figure out what? What is there to do?” Peridot asked, unblinking.

“What.. What do you mean what? You need to figure out if you want to do this. Look Lapis is.. The situation is complicated. And Lapis isn’t the simplest of girls. Are you sure that you can handle this? Or that you even want-“ 

They were interrupted by Amethyst’s phone going off. The woman scowled and answered it. Her tone changed to one closer to her regular one as she told whoever was on the other line that she’d be right out.

“It’s Garnet. We’re going to hang out at her place and have dinner. Do you want to come with? She is Lapis’ friend.. Maybe you can get a better idea of things if we ask her.” Amethyst offered, getting up and grabbing her bag.

“Okay.” Peridot agreed.

For the first time in her life she felt like she really didn’t want to be alone. And.. maybe some information wouldn’t be terrible.

————————————————————

Pearl let out a breath of relief as Peridot and Amethyst headed out the door. Things had been tense. Well.. tense was an understatement. Amethyst seemed annoyed and possibly disappointed with her.

And Peridot? Peridot wouldn’t talk to her and could barely stand to be in the same room with her. Pearl understood why. These were the consequences of her actions.

There weren’t a ton of things important to Peridot, but when they were.. they **really** were. Pearl had noticed it and had always taken care to be delicate about her friend’s interests.

But when one of Peridot’s interests had become Lapis she couldn’t find herself being delicate at all. She’d wanted to be. She really did. But seeing her ex brought back so many strong feelings.

And if Pearl was being honest she was lonely. With Lapis she never felt alone. With Lapis she always felt comfortable and even when both of them were moody she knew her ex loved her.

Lapis had made her feel secure.

And now Lapis was talking to Peridot. Seeing it felt world ending. It shattered any bit of pretending that some part of Lapis was still her’s that she could muster up.

Peridot never did the relationship thing. The blonde didn’t talk to that many people to begin with. It made the whole betrayal even worse. Pearl knew Lapis must really matter to Peridot, must be really special.

And she’d done all of this anyways. Pearl knew she was in the wrong. She felt it in her friend’s screams and in Lapis’ tears. She had done something truly awful.

But she still couldn’t stop. She had to fight for this. No matter how slim the chance she was prepared to fight the best she could for a shot at happiness.

Even if it ruined everyone else’s. Peridot could be happy again. She was young and still had plenty of life to live and people to meet. And Lapis.. she could make Lapis happy. She had before.

Pearl hugged herself tightly, mind whirling back and forth between what was right, what was wrong, and everything in-between.

She had made a real mess of things. Maybe in the end of it she would be all alone, but she had to try. She wanted Lapis back.

And in order to do that she was going to have to fight for Lapis like she should have before.

——————————————

Peridot chewed on her bottle lip anxiously, sitting across from Amethyst and Garnet as they chatted over a bottle of wine while cooking.

Apparently this is what they’d been doing every time they hung out. Though Amethyst said it was usually over tea instead of booze. They would get together around once a week and make a new recipe.

Peridot hadn’t pegged Garnet for someone who would love cooking, but she supposed that everyone had to unwind some way. It didn’t shock her that Amethyst would join her considering the short woman’s love of food.

But it was kind of funny watching them together, having a good time with each other. They were so different but they worked well together and seemed so happy.

Peridot wished she could be happy with them. And she sort of was. She was just also having a hard time not thinking about everything that was going on.

Amethyst turned her head to look over at her friend, and the smile on her face turned to a frown as she watched Peridot stare down at her phone with a pained look in her eyes.

The blonde had barely spoken in the past hour and it was really starting to bug Amethyst. Maybe she needed to take matters into her own hands and push this in the right direction so she could get Peridot out of her rut.

“Hey Garnet how did you meet Lapis?” Amethyst’s voice cut through the living space.

Peridot lifting her head and Garnet both looked at her instantly, the abrupt question seeming to change the mood in the room entirely.

For Peridot out of interest and a bit of panic knowing that this was her shot.

For Garnet.. Garnet seemed to look a little sad, which really confused Amethyst and now she felt almost bad for asking.

“I was renting a space in the same building as her years ago when I lived in France. She had an altercation with her girlfriend at the time. They were arguing and her girlfriend pushed her.” Garnet mumbled, taking a sip of her wine before continuing, “They were right next to the stairs. It was dangerous so I got involved. Told them to break it up and that they needed time to think.”

“Whoa.. And that was it?” Amethyst asked, surprised by the flood of information. It felt weird to think of Lapis in that sort of situation.

“Oh no. Lapis was spitting mad. She was cursing and yelling at me, asking what business it was of mine to get involved.” Garnet replied, seeming slightly amused by the memory itself and Peridot and Amethyst’s shocked expressions.

“I can’t imagine her doing that..” Peridot murmured, searching her through all her memories of her crush and drawing a blank on Lapis ever coming across so aggressively.

“She’s changed a lot.” Garnet smiled, “Lapis is not the same person she was then. Though she still has her moments.”

“I just can’t picture it.” Peridot muttered, “Her getting that mad or yelling at someone.”

“Well you two are still getting to know each other. I’ve been wondering about that actually. How are you two doing?” Garnet asked, her smile dropping as she saw Peridot wince at the question.

“I.. We.. Our date hit a rocky point and I didn’t handle it very well.” Peridot sighed, bringing her hands up to cover her face as a heavy feeling knotted up and settled in get gut, “I just didn’t know she and Pearl had dated before! And then I didn’t know what to do and I think I really messed up!”

“You didn’t know?” Garnet asked, a curious expression on her face, “But I thought Pearl told you.”

Amethyst walked over to where Peridot was sitting, wrapping her arms around the blonde’s shoulders as they shook a bit.

“Pearl lied.” Amethyst explained as they heard a muffled sob spill out from under the blonde’s hands.

“I said the wrong things! S-She took off..” Peridot cried, form wilting into the chair and Amethyst’s awkward embrace.

Peridot coughed and choked on her own uneven breaths as she felt herself come undone. It felt so embarrassing. Why here? Why now? She hadn’t cried at all this whole time so why now in front of people?

The embarrassment raised her panic levels as she tried desperately to just stop crying and her breathing was getting worse as a consequence.

Garnet rushed forward and started telling her to breathe in and out deeply, grabbing Peridot’s hands in her’s.

She couldn’t stop sobbing and Garnet sounded a million miles away, but she did her best to focus and steady her breathing. After a few moments she was starting to calm down and her breathing almost resembled a regular human’s.

Peridot removed her hands from Garnet’s and started trying to wipe the tears away before Garnet set a box of tissues in front of her.

The blonde sniffled as Amethyst squeezed her shoulders a little tighter before letting go and sitting next to her friend.

“I-I’m so sorry… I’m ruining your night a-and I’m-“ Peridot started in, but Garnet held her hand up and shook her head.

“Our night isn’t ruined. You didn’t ruin it. We will still have a fantastic dinner and good conversation. That’s all this night is for.” Garnet stated firmly, “I swear, that girl.. She has some explaining to do when she gets home. She didn’t say a thing.”

“You okay, P-Dot?” Amethyst asked, a mixture of emotions all over her face. It sort of freaked her out to see Peridot cry so much and she felt helpless which in turn made her frustrated. But most of all she was **so** worried.

“I.. I thought I would be. I thought we would talk and it would be okay. But we can’t talk about any of the things we need to talk about over the phone and our texts are weird now.. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never dealt with something like this before.” Period explained before blowing her nose, eyes red from all the tears and the aggressive wiping at them.

“It’ll be okay. You two will talk when she gets home.” Amethyst said, but her mind was strained with uncertainty about the first part of her statement.

“This all sounds like it’s a lot to handle for you. Are you sure you can do this with her? Are you sure you want to?” Garnet asked. Her tone was steady and delicate, but her words hit hard.

Peridot thought about all her moments with Lapis, their meeting, their friendship, their night alone at Lapis’ studio, the dance and kiss they shared. She could feel that prickly pain in her eyes as they started to water once more at the thought of their date gone horribly gone.

That and all of the things she didn’t know about Lapis. The sides of Lapis she hadn’t seen. And about the rough situation that was in front of them.

About what Amethyst had said about Lapis thinking about what was going on and what she wanted to do. That Peridot should too.

Could she handle this? Could she weather this storm? Would the calm ever come? Could she take Lapis for everything she is and everything she had been before? Did Peridot want to?

“I don’t know..”


	12. It's Just Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to REDEADED for this chapter! We did a little challenge, so work will be out from both of us!

Lapis stared up at the ceiling fan. Her eyes felt dry, but as soon as she’d woken up she couldn’t bring herself to do anything except stare at the swinging blades. Not even blink.

Moving would mean this day starting. She wasn’t quite sure that she was ready for this day to start. She had thought she would be. Last night she wasn’t ready, returning home.

Getting off that flight and calling a cab, getting back to her apartment. Getting in the shower, getting into bed.

She told herself that surely she would be ready tomorrow. That in the morning everything would just fall right into place.

Lunch isn’t hard, lunch is just another meal, it’ll be okay. Thoughts going over and over in circles, repetitive and consistent motion as she dragged her body out of bed. 

She’d never dreaded seeing Peridot before. Her stomach felt like it was in a knot. She felt uncomfortable in her skin, like her skeleton couldn’t settle or didn’t belong there. Lapis brushed her teeth and washed her face, taking a moment to look at herself in the mirror.

She saw messed up hair from tossing and turning. She felt like her face looked all wrong. Like it should look different or maybe that it did look different. It didn’t feel right.

“You look all wrong.” Lapis mumbled at her reflection, rubbing her eyes a bit and hoping that might help. It didn’t.

She shut off the light before exiting the bathroom. She’d fix her hair later. She didn’t want to look at herself right now.

Slow footstep after footstep and it felt like moving in quicksand. The tea she made didn’t taste right and something must have been wrong with her toaster because it burnt half her bread while leaving the other half uncooked.

It ended up taking her an hour to fix her hair when she finally managed to force herself back into the bathroom. It just refused to cooperate. She thought she’d feel better if she could coat her face in flawless makeup and wear a great outfit it could boost morale for the day a bit.

The mirror proved to her otherwise. She could make herself look pristine, but it couldn’t cover up this displaced feeling. War paint wasn’t going to work today.

————————————————————

If there was anything that Pearl had learned while being with Rose it was that love could be war. And through many battles she’d always won with the exception of Greg.

Given the amount of people that had caught Rose’s eye over the years it was a significant amount of victory. 

This was different, but she kept rationalizing that all was fair in love and war. She’d been waiting, strategizing, listening in on conversations not meant for her to hear. She could do this. She had all the ammo necessary.

All she needed was to take the first shot. It would be easy. Her ~~roommate~~ foe had horrible defense and would be unprepared for the assault. Peridot was inexperienced and would be easily wounded.

So why was she hesitating? Hiding against the hallway wall, clutching onto her necklace and trying to work up the courage.

Amethyst was gone. There was no one here to assist Peridot or see through Pearl’s blindspots.

Just her and her ~~former friend~~ enemy.

Step by step, summoning all the determination she had to combat what felt like a molasses pace. Her hands were swinging free now, standing taller and taller as she got closer.

“Excited about lunch?”

Peridot whirled around and the look on her face was too priceless. She looked annoyed, a sour expression, oh but in her eyes.. worry, anxiety, so much stress. It made her seem even smaller than she already was.

“That’s none of your business.” Peridot’s tone was stern and detached, but then, “How.. How do you even know about that?”

“Lapis told me all about it last night.” Pearl didn’t skip a beat, watching as Peridot’s annoyance morphed into shock, “I bet you’re dying to talk to her. A nice little catch up after she’s been gone. You must have so much to talk about, especially with my proposition and all.”

A bluff. Lapis definitely wasn’t texting her. But she also knew who else Lapis wasn’t texting as much as she used to. It made it easier to plant a seed of doubt.

“Prop..osition?” Peridot was clearly nervous, gripping onto the fork in her hand, her posture became so stiff.

It was all too easy.

“Yeah. She brought it up to you, didn’t she? My idea of us both dating her. What’s the point in fighting, right? We’ve been friends for years and we both care about her. She said she’d think about it.” Pearl explained, leaning against the kitchen counter, “Maybe she wanted to wait to tell you in person.”

“Wh-What? No, no, I..” Peridot fumbled over her words, at a complete loss, “You’re messing with me! Please tell me you’re messing with me..”

Desperation. Exactly what Pearl needed.

“I know that I haven’t been the very forthcoming about all of this and that was a major mistake. I should have been honest from the beginning. So I’m trying now. To be honest with both of you.” Pearl sighed, rubbing her own forearm lightly for a show of less poise, “So I just blurted it out. I’m sorry, I should have asked her if she told you yet.. I have to go, but I hope you have a good lunch. No matter what happens.. I hope we can be friends again.”

Pearl grabbed her keys off the counter and headed out the door, leaving Peridot standing now in the middle of their kitchen with her mouth open but no noise coming out.

“Just think about it.” Pearl’s parting words as she closed and locked the door.

———————————————————————————————— 

Peridot stood in the shower, water running down her body but it wasn’t as comforting as it had always been before. She was supposed to be getting ready for this lunch, but she couldn’t bring herself to do anything but stand there with her mind racing.

Lapis had been texting Pearl? Why would she do that? Peridot had been pretty sure Lapis hated Pearl. But Pearl knew about their date and she knew Amethyst would never tell Pearl.

More and more Peridot had been finding out that there was so much she didn’t know about Lapis. There were sides of Lapis that she’d never seen and only heard about.

Peridot had spent days asking herself if she _wanted_ to do this, to be involved with Lapis Lazuli and her baggage. She still wasn’t sure. And now with everything Pearl had to say it was even more confusing.

All she had wanted to do was go see Lapis and talk. Now all she wanted to do was stay in this shower forever.

She took in a deep breath and scrubbed her skin roughly. She had to do this. If nothing else she needed answers. She needed to compile all the information to make this decision.

And to know if Lapis even wanted to be anything anymore.

The memory of their date was burned into her brain. She’d never had an experience like it. She’d never had such a fun time with someone even in a friendly capacity, let alone a romantic one.

She’d also never made a romantic interest cry or very literally run away from her. Peridot knew that she’d hurt and insulted Lapis even though she hadn’t intended to.

She wanted to be rational about everything. To take it all step by step. She wanted to talk everything over. And she really wanted all of these overwhelming new emotions to not get in the way of that or cloud her judgment.

But she didn’t know how to handle this. She wasn’t used to feeling all of these things and it was making it really hard for her to get herself together. It was going to be a glasses today because she just didn’t have the energy to put in her contacts, let alone put on a nice outfit or tame her hair.

She didn’t have it in her.

She hit every red light on the way there, her nerves increasing with the more terrible hypotheticals her mind came up with. She managed to step in someone’s spilled drink in the parking lot as she got out of the car.

Her sneakers stuck to the floor with every step she took, self-esteem just plummeting down even farther. And then Peridot saw her.

Lapis Lazuli, all done up and absolutely gorgeous, sitting alone by the window as she looked over the menu. Peridot could feel her heart pound the moment those blue eyes met green.

————————————————————————————

Lapis wanted to run. She wanted to cancel and run. She’d wanted to do so all day, but she had told Peridot they would talk. She’d put it off and put distance between the two of them. She didn’t know what to say anymore or how to handle continuing on from here.

But she moment she laid eyes on Peridot a lot of that discomfort washed away. Lapis was flooded with a sense of relief. She’d been so caught up in the mess of everything that she’d forgotten how nice it felt to be around Peridot.

And seeing Peridot like this, with her messy hair and loose clothes brought a smile to Lapis’ face. It was just like when they first met. When Peridot was a stressed out student and Lapis was a stressed out business woman and the night was their’s.

It was so heartwarming that Lapis felt the need to forget about all of this, to sweep it under the rug and pretend like everything was fine. But after years of failed relationships she had learned that doing that fixed nothing. She didn’t want it to be that way with Peridot.

So instead of leaning over and kissing the blonde when she sat down Lapis simply rested her hand onto of Peridot’s and spoke up, “It’s good to see you. We’ve got a lot to talk about.”

“Agreed..” Peridot sighed, staring down at their hands before a waitress came up and took their drink order and they both pulled their hands away at the sudden interruption.

Peridot cleared her throat as soon the waitress left, feeling the need to get this out first before they brought up anything else, “I’m really, really sorry about what I said on the beach. I.. wasn’t thinking about how it would effect you. I didn’t know what to think and it ended up being really inconsiderate. _I_ can be really inconsiderate sometimes. It doesn’t always occur to me to think about how people feel.”

Lapis was stunned. She was definitely not prepared for that. Peridot had already apologized to her over the phone and she really hadn’t expected it again. Or that it would be so.. honest. But she felt that she really should have. Peridot had always been honest with her.

“You didn’t mean to hurt me. You were just.. surprised. I forgive you. I should have told you I forgave you sooner. I’ve just been so overwhelmed and I.. If I’m being honest I didn’t want to deal with it. I wanted to put off facing it. I was.. running away from it. Just like when we were on our date.. And I’m so sorry. For both of those things.” Lapis replied, brows furrowed, a frown on her face as she fiddled with her hands.

“It’s.. honestly been really hurtful. I really like you and you’ve been really abruptly distant. I haven’t ever liked someone like this before. I don’t really know how to handle all of this..” Peridot trailed off before taking a deep breath, “I don’t know how to do this.”

Lapis’ eyes widened and she couldn’t help the laughter that started pouring out, covering her face with her hand as her shoulders shook.

Peridot’s jaw dropped, and she frowned, starting to get up right as the waitress came over and nervously put their drinks down and asked them if they were ready to order.

“No, I’m just going to go-“

“I don’t know what to do either!” Lapis exclaimed, still laughing, “I’ve been a wreck because I just don’t know what to do!”

A smile came over Peridot’s face and she started laughing a bit too. All the worry, all the anxiety, they’d shared it. Neither of them knew what to do. And the relief of knowing they weren’t alone in that was so overwhelming they were both cracking up, disturbing the tables around then and freaking out their waitress.

“I-I could make some suggestions if you don’t know what to order or give you more time if you need!” Their waitress offered, clutching onto her notepad.

They calmed themselves a bit, Peridot sat back down and they ordered. The waitress practically ran away from their table while they were busy giggling, faces flushed as they stared at each other.

“I was so freaked out! And this day! It was so off!” Lapis admitted, shaking her head at the thought of all of it.

“You’re telling me! Today was awful! That’s why I’m such a mess.” Peridot rolled her eyes, face scrunching up in distaste.

“I think you look cute.” Lapis grinned, “And the eyewear strikes again.”

“T-Thanks! You look amazing! Well, you always look amazing!” Peridot floundered, trying to think of something desperately in order to stop her whole face from going pink, “I-I bet you looked amazing on stage too! Tell me about your trip!”

“Well..”

They fell into seamless, easy conversation. Laughing, smiling, and Lapis’ hand was back on Peridot’s as she used to other to gesticulate along to her story about her trip away.

At some point Peridot laced their fingers together. At some Lapis felt so glad that she hadn’t run away from this lunch. At some point Peridot beat back the nagging knowledge that there was so much more she needed to talk about.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and critiques are welcome.


End file.
